Not women only but women centric and with additional moderation protection. And yeah, I’d also say that women should administer and moderate such an instance.
LibertyLizard@slrpnk.net
on 13 Apr 20:46
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I think maybe it would have been clearer to just ask this question directly and openly. The way you phrased it is the way a lot of bigots do to try to start trouble.
hopeleft@lemmy.dbzer0.com
on 15 Apr 06:48
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No one would understand this is what you intended if you use a transphobic dogwhistle for that.
sjmarf@sh.itjust.works
on 13 Apr 19:26
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Community-wise there’s !WomensStuff@lazysoci.al
dandelion@lemmy.blahaj.zone
on 13 Apr 19:59
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unfortunately I think this is the current answer, at least on Lemmy.
TriflingToad@sh.itjust.works
on 13 Apr 23:52
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unfortunately?
dandelion@lemmy.blahaj.zone
on 14 Apr 00:22
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Meaning there isn’t an instance for women, nor are there multiple communities - as far as I know there’s just this one community.
TriflingToad@sh.itjust.works
on 14 Apr 00:28
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oh, I see.
swelter_spark@reddthat.com
on 15 Apr 16:11
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I think there’s also We are women on lemmy.ml and Women on lemmy.world?
dandelion@lemmy.blahaj.zone
on 15 Apr 16:16
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sorry, I should have clarified that I was talking about active communities (where users regularly visit and interact)
This seems like a very good niche for someone willing to do it. Problematic accounts could get a site-wide ban instead of each woman having to ban someone herself.
Flamangoman@leminal.space
on 13 Apr 19:36
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Niche? Bruh, they’re half of the population lmao
LibertyLizard@slrpnk.net
on 13 Apr 19:43
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Unfortunately it is niche right now in the fediverse based on the stats. That could change but probably requires a different approach to achieve.
I would guess that most women wouldn’t feel the need to be on a woman-focused Lemmy instance for their main / only account. But, some might want an alt account to discuss certain things there.
I’m a woman, and make no attempt to hide that fact in my posts. That said, I also don’t personally have much interest in talking about being a woman, so don’t sub to any of those places you linked.
Over on Reddit I just sort of let people assume I was male a lot of the time, since it wasn’t really relevant to what we were talking about. But from the start on Lemmy I’ve made sure to call out incorrect assumptions, downvote and give a talking to people stereotyping or being misogynistic, etc etc. And the more of us (of all genders) that make that same decision, the better things get
That’s pretty brave of you. It’s a lot of work to fight people’s assumptions, and I’m sure it results in harassment.
But, you’re right that things will never change if women don’t do that. It’s a chicken and egg thing. Nobody wants to be the first to do it, because whoever’s first gets harassed the most. But, if enough people do it, it won’t be abnormal anymore.
Good luck, and thanks for trying to make women on the internet more normal.
It’s not niche being a woman obviously. What’s niche is having a community exclude 50% of the population. Nothing wrong with it, but it is niche.
Sixtyforce@sh.itjust.works
on 14 Apr 06:45
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Zero women have tried to make one so far regardless of how many would use a new instance. So it can’t be all that in demand.
I think it naturally would occur if Lemmy grows in size. There’s not many people here to begin with.
CheeseToastie@lazysoci.al
on 15 Apr 07:18
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There’s !WomensStuff@lazysoci.al we started a little over a month ago and recently hit 1000 members
dandelion@lemmy.blahaj.zone
on 13 Apr 20:00
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this is a bit of how Blahaj works as I understand it, so it’s a good model - if anything I would think Blahaj might already be poised for this kind of instance-level protection of women
EDIT:
one of the Blahaj guidelines does include removing bigotry, including sexism, and would be a candidate for a safe space for women:
Inclusion and Acceptance
Embracing inclusion and acceptance means listening when people tell you who they are and what their needs are. It means not telling people that you know their experiences better than they do. It means not gatekeeping experiences of identities of others. It means no bigotry such as racism, sexism, anti LGBT commentary, ableism etc. It means doing your best to ensure that you don’t over-talk the voices of folk who don’t share your privileges.
That said, the women spaces on Blahaj are mostly for trans women, so a more general women’s community would be nice.
Lemmy needs block lists users can subscribe to like they can on BlueSky, it would make a huge difference imo.
hendrik@palaver.p3x.de
on 13 Apr 19:43
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beehaw.org aspire to be nice, friendly diverse and safe. But they're more towards nice, not women. And we have lemmy.blahaj.zone for queer folks. To my knowledge, there isn't a place aimed towards women. Maybe heehaw is the closest... Still not really a fit.
You could go ahead and also ask in some of the women communities, see how they get along here on the Fediverse.
ThrowawayPermanente@sh.itjust.works
on 14 Apr 12:25
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Beehaw.org is nice, Heehaw.org is the closest, Hoohaw.org is the promised land
The only way I could see it being done while perserving some kind of anonymity would be to have a defederated instance, where members are invite-only, where members can invite their friends to join, there by verifying that there are no men joining.
Unfortunately, there is no good way of verifying the gender of a person that you don’t meet outside of a forum.
Whats_your_reasoning@lemmy.world
on 14 Apr 14:11
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I’ve mentioned this before in other threads that seek a women-centric Lemmy option, but there was at least one secret community on Reddit like that. Invitees’ post histories were vetted before an invite was sent, both to find women specifically, but also to prevent trolls.
I don’t know exactly how they did it, all I know is that I got an invite one day and found the most open, comforting community I’d ever seen online. It was a place where we could talk about anything from silly stories that made us smile, to complaining about specific issues with bras, all without fear of trolls hijacking the thread, or turning an ordinary thing for us into something sexual.
Sounds fantastic, I hope that you can find a community like that again.
Vetting the post history is probably the only realistic way of doing it, it is time consuming, I am sad that it is needed, but if that is what it it takes it is at least doable.
I wish you and all women online good luck in finding a community like that, everyone needs a good community to enjoy!
Why should they want to do that? That’s not how most sites for women work!
AdrianTheFrog@lemmy.world
on 14 Apr 01:57
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Blahaj.zone is an instance aimed at queer people, but it doesn’t have to prevent non-queer people from participating. I would imagine an instance aimed at women to be similar.
ThrowawayPermanente@sh.itjust.works
on 14 Apr 12:20
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Just make it obvious that it’s meant for women and most men will exclude themselves
gamermanh@lemmy.dbzer0.com
on 14 Apr 15:43
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On a public forum?
Lol you wish
ThrowawayPermanente@sh.itjust.works
on 14 Apr 19:51
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It works at bars, play music made by women and the Nazis will find another place to sieg heil each other without even being to be told
KillingTimeItself@lemmy.dbzer0.com
on 14 Apr 21:05
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This idea is pretty cool, i hope they will succeed to achieve that. Imo, we lack diversity on the forumverse except maybe mastodon.
It would provide an additional security layer, another governance. They could also benefit a lot from local community and can check vote, email, ip...Other have already mentionned good example with blahaj, beehaw...
On the other hand, it will render the instance more visible.
On my main instance, jlai.lu, i think we don't manage well sexist speech. They are moderated, we do our best to explain to our users what's wrong and slowly change them but we don't have the same sensibility as women.
Men explaining women...So we probably missed lot things.
reddit has /r/TwoXChromosomes which is one of my favorite subs. It’s a general womens subreddit, and though it obviously leans feminist it’s not its main purpose. It welcomes all genders, but remains a womens space.
Woman-centered is not an absolute. One does not have to be part of a single characteristic of a group to have a stake in it, to be an ally, an advocate, a partner, a family member, among countless other scenarios.
I would suggest reading up on intersectionality.
By the way, all of this is covered in the subreddit sidebar, including in an FAQ in the wiki.
You need to stay away from feminism and enby activism entirely until you’ve humbled yourself and seriously sat with how problematic this take is.
You’re not helping anybody with that. Least of all enbies/trans people. And not just because it makes us look bad either, though that’s certainly part of it.
I don’t know how problematic this take is, and since you can’t explain how it is, I’m convinced you don’t either. You’re just having an emotional reaction to deviation from the gender binary’s norms, which construct womanhood as the opposite of manhood.
VintageGenious@sh.itjust.works
on 14 Apr 09:47
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Don’t worry you have nothing to get from people identifying as “witches”
slingstone@lemmy.world
on 14 Apr 00:40
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I wondered if they made the jump over here. Guess not, sadly. Reading that sub has made me a better man, because it offers some pretty harsh critiques of male behavior.
We used to have an equivalent on our instance, but it was constantly flooded with reply-bros and trans people complaining about the name, so we archived it as no women was willing to moderate it (for understandable reasons).
Yeah but thats a subreddit not REDDIT itself, you can similarly start a /c/TwoX on just about any Lemmy instance.
JustAnotherKay@lemmy.world
on 14 Apr 07:02
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While I do agree with what you’re saying, I actually think a “by women for women” instance has a slightly different impact than a “by women for women” community. There are definitely pros and cons for both, though
Nah I’m demanding clarity. A clear question “Do you mean excluding TERFs or excluding women” and the answer is “I want to be inclusive”. It may not be meant as such, and I’m definitely not implying that it was, but that’s exactly how a TERF would evade questioning.
A clear “Fuck TERFs” would have provided plenty of clarity, and been much shorter. Also, it would have said “Fuck TERFs”.
They’re also complaining about “women being excluded from women’s spaces by agents of the patriarchy posing as women”. They’re also not necessarily using “TERF” as a label. They’re using typical fascist-style “words mean whatever we want them to mean in the moment” type of stuff, hiding clear-cut positions behind pretend nuance, hence why I favour clarity.
StarlightDust@lemmy.blahaj.zone
on 14 Apr 20:38
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This is transmisogynistic and misogynoir as well as plain old misogyny. Don’t ask me to explain. Just don’t do it.
Except the Drag person, obvious troll they keep around.
SoftestSapphic@lemmy.world
on 14 Apr 14:46
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Don’t call them a troll or Ada will ban you like she did me and half of 196
Duke_Nukem_1990@feddit.org
on 15 Apr 06:35
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Good
SoftestSapphic@lemmy.world
on 15 Apr 14:19
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Dragonfucker isn’t a gender, you enabling trolls makes LGBTQ spaces worse for people with real gender identities that experience real discrimination in the real world.
I bet you feel good when the people you hate get silenced though, like a drug addict chasing dopamine.
Duke_Nukem_1990@feddit.org
on 15 Apr 14:22
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You don’t get to decide what is and what isn’t a real identity :) if that makes you mad, the ban was justified just for that,
SoftestSapphic@lemmy.world
on 15 Apr 15:11
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Do you identify as a troll like dragonfucker?
Is that why making me mad is so important to you? :3
Does the troll drug addict want their squirt of dopamine?
Duke_Nukem_1990@feddit.org
on 15 Apr 15:13
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Is that it? People disagreeing with you must be trolls? Does imagening that make it easier?
SoftestSapphic@lemmy.world
on 15 Apr 15:27
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People who want to try to invalidate and mock gender identities are trolls.
Nobody’s gender is realistically “dragonfucker” or “attack helicopter”.
And you like the little squirt of dopamine you get for making the people they attack angry.
You’re not cute or clever for stepping around the rhetoric so you don’t get banned.
It’s maybe the most impotent victim fantasy of a troll I’ve seen in a long time, and i think that’s what bothers me about it.
Blocked
Duke_Nukem_1990@feddit.org
on 15 Apr 15:33
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Like I said, you don’t get to decide what isn’t a real identity. That’s some TERF shit.
Well I would definitely put blahaj down as a queer-focused space rather than a women-focused space. It’s inclusive, women are welcome, but the community there is very much about queer issues.
Draconic_NEO@lemmy.world
on 14 Apr 00:28
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lemmy.blahaj.zone has a decent amount of women and both their admins are women, it’s not a “women’s space” as one would describe since everyone is welcome there but it’s probably the closest thing one would describe as an instance “by women for women”.
I am obligated to mention that it is a queer instance and that many of the women there are either trans themselves or strongly supportive of trans people, and do not tolerate transphobia or anti-LGBT sentiment (including refusal to support LGBTQ people) at all.
Beat me to it. Their zero tolerance for misogyny/transphobia extends to who they federate with. If a server doesn’t care about its users being transphobic then it gets the axe. I remember it being a big hub bub because an instance was actually using its defederation option.
finitebanjo@lemmy.world
on 14 Apr 12:40
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Draconic_NEO@lemmy.world
on 14 Apr 21:48
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Yeah Spinster is generally considered a hate site, and consequently is very widely defederated, even from general purpose instances like lemmy.world. Also it’s less of a Reddit alternative and more of a Twitter alternative but is technically redundant since you can do everything you did on there on the real thing instead.
Walk_blesseD@lemmy.blahaj.zone
on 14 Apr 23:54
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I thought that was mastodon. Do they have a lemmy instance as well?
As much as I appreciate the community and users at Blahaj, in my personal experience, the moderation was fairly wanting. At least a year or two ago (not sure about now), they tolerated some pretty freakish right-wing people who enabled chasers and other weird shit on their communities.
They certainly do not seem very tolerant of that now, they very commonly ban people for thinly veiled homophobia and transphobia that would normally slide on other sites. They do not even seem mildly willing to tolerate the intolerant.
UprisingVoltage@feddit.it
on 15 Apr 16:03
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Good.
SirSamuel@lemmy.world
on 14 Apr 00:56
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TW: crude and insensitive joke (hopefully the spoiler tag works lol)
ETA: lemme know if you need this taken down. Sometimes the intrusive thoughts win
!It’s funny, blahaj.zone is full of pussies, and .ml is full of cunts, and yet there’s no dedicated space for women!<
KillingTimeItself@lemmy.dbzer0.com
on 14 Apr 21:07
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spoiler tag didnt appear to work, but this indeed is very stupid and funny.
There seems to be a majority of males even in that community though
gwen@lemmy.dbzer0.com
on 14 Apr 08:58
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every femcel community gets invaded by guys at some point. see: r/letgirlshavefun and r/femcelgrippysockjail.
theres one that went private and thats keeping out the men really well (and is the only community im still on reddit for)
I don’t know any of them and would not even recognize their usernames. Just be real, there can’t be that many women, it’s just not consistent with Lemmy’s userbase. To me that sub draws more attention from men who view it as a fantasy. Read the comments and the posts, many of them don’t seem legitimate
pixeltree@lemmy.blahaj.zone
on 16 Apr 13:18
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Erotador, totallynotjessica, kewwwi, and squirrel are by far the people who post most there and they’re all women.
My yin, I’m the one with the blahaj zone account here
pixeltree@lemmy.blahaj.zone
on 14 Apr 14:20
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Hahaha the name doesn’t do it justice tbh, *cel has connotations that femcelmemes really just doesn’t have
Pardon my ignorance but what would be the point of that? You can sign up on any instance and participate in any women’s communities. It’s not like there’s any way to verify the user’s gender anyway.
Local feed is one of the best parts of Lemmy conceptually and a very clear indicator that the intended behaviour for users is to sign up to smaller insurances related to their location or otherwise significant individual interests.
It would only work if I don’t subscribe to any other instances. That’s a bad tradeoff.
The fediverse needs a tool to surf other instances local feed cause that’s a common issue for both the threadiverse and twittoverse. Soon, we may have enough theme-oriented PixelFed instances for them to have the same issue. I believe PieFed multicommunity feeds to be the best way to tackle it so far but that’s not even a good solution.
KillingTimeItself@lemmy.dbzer0.com
on 14 Apr 19:36
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with enough admin and moderation you could circle jerk your way into a “woman positive” or “woman friendly space” which would be the idea.
You really don’t see the benefit to a group of similar people to have a space focused on them, their wants and needs and daily lives? A community of people like them? It’s one of the most fundamental human desires.
Cryophilia@lemmy.world
on 14 Apr 07:59
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Most of the fediverse is male, and there’s a significant trans woman space, but there’s no spaces that really cater to cis women or to trans men specifically that I’ve seen.
And yes, I think it’s reasonable to look for a space that is strongly (though not exclusively) cis-woman, in the same way that a Protestant would feel out of place in a Catholic community, even though they’re all Christian. I imagine most cis women feel the same way as I (a cis man) feel when going to blahaj - like a friendly, allied visitor in a foreign land.
andros_rex@lemmy.world
on 14 Apr 16:09
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I can’t think of a single online space ever that has catered to trans men. It’s always infinitely easier to just act like a cis dude 99% of the time.
I guess there is Hudson’s Guide lol.
CheeseToastie@lazysoci.al
on 15 Apr 07:16
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We have !WomensStuff@lazysoci.al
DieserTypMatthias@lemmy.ml
on 14 Apr 08:34
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I’m on .ml, but I don’t engage in any Marxist-Leninist communities. So it doesn’t really matter on what instance you’re on.
PS: Ok so it looks like people here are just as bad as redditors. I was answering the question in the Reddit caption of this post. Pinterest has been known to be an alternative to Reddit (as a link aggregator) which attracts women a lot more than men.
This is a KNOWN thing, check this 10 year old article from the people managing Pinterest stating as much
Of course women are welcome here, there is no question about it. Does it matter if there is an instance for women? I don’t even know, I know women who love stereotypical male stuff and vice versa. I assume anyone, male, female or anything in the spectrum, can browse around and collate their favorite subs
MECHAGODZILLA2@midwest.social
on 14 Apr 11:50
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Not funny, not ok. Women are just as welcome here as anyone else and your comment is exactly why they are asking. “It’s a joke” - nope don’t even. Be better than this.
I agree, but at a higher level the analogy works… like a sports car vs a pickup truck vs a minivan. Very different but at the end of the day they are all vehicles and men tend to like one of those more than others, same as women (and no, I am not implying women like minivans… my wife forbade me from getting one when our kids were little and I had given up on a cool car for the convenience of one)
Well my argument is that they fall under a different analogy. Something like a car and wheelbarrow? They’re both used for transportation, sure, but they also have two distinct functions that don’t cancel each other out.
Sure but I’m not analysing the characteristics of both platforms; I eas just answerilg the question and it’s a fact that pinterest is the closest thing to reddit but more attractive to women
I honestly don’t understand why people seem upset by that
MECHAGODZILLA2@midwest.social
on 14 Apr 18:28
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I don’t agree in this particular instance, but in general I think you’re right - all this shit is really getting to me. And I always appreciate a good call out. Going to touch some grass, hope everyone has a great day ✌️
MECHAGODZILLA2@midwest.social
on 14 Apr 11:57
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The comments here make me very disappointed in our little corner of the internet. If anyone wants this but doesn’t know how, neither do I but I’d be happy help.
i_dont_want_to@lemmy.blahaj.zone
on 14 Apr 12:05
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I am disappointed but not surprised. The attitude of men here reminds me a lot of default subs in Reddit. People tend to be more civil, but there is so much “but what about men?” when talking about women’s issues or belittling women still. Business as usual on the Internet, but I can see why it would cause women to avoid Lemmy.
I haven’t been back to Reddit, but it makes me miss the small niches where I didn’t see that as often.
womans only spaces (popping up because of male dominated spaces) do lead to male only spaces but who cares, ppl that want to be in those spaces can stay there idrc, they dont want my input I dont want theirs
i_dont_want_to@lemmy.blahaj.zone
on 14 Apr 14:26
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Yeah, it’s natural to have spaces that aren’t for me. It’s fine. I really just have an issue with spaces where I am supposedly welcome to be hostile towards me.
pixeltree@lemmy.blahaj.zone
on 14 Apr 14:17
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I’ve said it many times before and I’ll say it again, gender relations here are worse than they were on reddit when I stopped using it.
Cryophilia@lemmy.world
on 14 Apr 15:05
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I mean there’s like 3 women on lemmy, and 2 of em are trans. I don’t think there really ARE any gender relations here.
I think you’re underestimating how many women use the internet. They just don’t go swing that around much because of the harassment it tends to attract.
KillingTimeItself@lemmy.dbzer0.com
on 14 Apr 19:28
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i wonder if it’s not just worse on lemmy, but gotten worse over time, with the manosphere shit and all it’s relevant problems, neither feminism nor the manosphere, or traditional male gender role has really addressed this issue comprehensively, and we’re starting to see pushback from this issue in real life now, men are enrolling into college less than women, they do worse in most environments, and also are generally worse when it comes to mental health.
I wonder if we just need like a dedicated “social issues space” where people can talk about this stuff.
It’s a more niche “back room” kind of forum, so there are less casual browsers and more technerds here, which makes it predominantly male for a lot of reasons that require a whole other discussion to analyse, but it’s exactly like when reddit was a niche “back room” website gaining popularity.
Lets not forget when reddit started, it was absolute chaos, some of the very worst communities imaginable where at home there, and the userbase RAGED every time some pedo or hate sub got purged. But they did get purged, and it became welcoming for a more diverse group of users to participate in. (Until the bot nation attacked)
Call it out when you see it. Keep the bar nazi free.
frog_brawler@lemmy.world
on 15 Apr 00:26
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I think there’s a few tutorials about how to set up your own lemmy instance. If so compelled; go for it! If you have any sort of IT background it’ll probably be pretty easy.
CheeseToastie@lazysoci.al
on 15 Apr 07:15
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There’s !WomensStuff@lazysoci.al
FundMECFSResearch@lemmy.blahaj.zone
on 14 Apr 12:07
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hexbear is heavily transfem and bans aggressively for misogyny/transphobia. Spending some time there when their recent domain crisis defederated from the rest of Lemmy was actually quite relaxing
KillingTimeItself@lemmy.dbzer0.com
on 14 Apr 19:52
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unless you have an external opinion, in which case they fucking lynch you.
that external opinion is usually either bigotry or supporting US empire from my experience. Other Lemmy spaces are just as likely to ban for wrongthink ie: not being pro genocide or whatever war libs are supporting this time.
KillingTimeItself@lemmy.dbzer0.com
on 14 Apr 21:14
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i’ve never seen a pro genocide lemmy instance, everytime i’ve argued against it i’ve been banned or moderated on, granted my instance isn’t pro genocide, so there’s that. But that seems to be a regular occurrence on lemmy in my experience.
I posted one thing on the one hexbear thread people used and immediately got banned lmao, what a terrible instance. I just ended up blocking the whole thing because why even bother at that point.
Look man, from a technical language point of view there is nothing whatsoever wrong with calling people ‘females’. However, by speaking to such people face-to-face you quickly learn that basically not one likes to be called that. The reasons are subtle, and frankly not very important. But the fact remains that calling people ‘females’ is now seen as a sign that you don’t understand or respect them - on the grounds that you are using a phrase that you’ve been asked not to use. Just say ‘women’ instead.
Vanilla_PuddinFudge@infosec.pub
on 14 Apr 13:28
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Lemmy is aimed at pleasing all of humanity.
Asking for a women-centric flavor of any site is parallel to asking for a version with less men. If you’re implying there is a difference to the interests of both, I’d love to show you the Grey’s Anatomy sub.
explodicle@sh.itjust.works
on 14 Apr 15:40
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I think there are differences in the interests of both. Can you explain your argument here, without super obscure references?
Vanilla_PuddinFudge@infosec.pub
on 14 Apr 17:59
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We just shouldn’t consider either gender’s interests as stereotypes. Also, if a community becomes one or the other “centric”, then on some level, it’s exclusionary.
You know that just because gender is a social construct, it doesn’t mean we should or even can just ignore it? You took step one on the awareness ladder but stopped before step two
KillingTimeItself@lemmy.dbzer0.com
on 14 Apr 19:38
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i mean, i don’t see anything necessarily wrong with it though.
It’s like making a linux specific lemmy instance, or an anarchist focused lemmy instance (the one im on)
it might go against the principles of lemmy, but there’s nothing inherently wrong with it.
I am species blind. Asking for a species-centric flavor of any site is parallel to asking for a version with less horses. If you’re implying there is a difference to the interests of both, I’d love to show you equestrian sports.
There is literally nothing different between any species, gender, or even a rock. Women, Men. Heck 1 + 1 = 3. Everything is exactly the same. It’s a soup of protons. It’s all the same!
LadyAutumn@lemmy.blahaj.zone
on 14 Apr 13:37
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Youre absolutely welcome to join Blahaj zone. Our wonderful administration team (both of whom are women) bans misogyny whenever it comes around to our communities. The mods for our main communities share a very aggressive moderation policy.
SoftestSapphic@lemmy.world
on 14 Apr 13:46
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They also ban real users instead of the people literally calling their gender “dragonfucker” and “attack helicopter”
There were a bunch of users who got angry about these users mocking gender expression and then when they told the trolls to fucking stop Ada banned them
The blahaj admins are trolls
Cryophilia@lemmy.world
on 14 Apr 15:00
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I give Ada a lot of credit. In the early days, I had the following interaction:
TOPIC: Something about sexual/gender preferences, I don’t remember, asking people their preferences
Me: responds with my preferences (I’m straight cis male, I like women so I’m down with post-transition trans women but pre-transition don’t turn me on)
Some random user: respectfully asks if I would be willing to date a pre-transition trans man
Me: I guess, but it probably wouldn’t work due to the fact that what I like about their body, they hate
Some of those professionally offended people took a misleading screenshot of my response and started screaming about “chasers”.
Ada did an admin post to the community backing me up and calling those idiots out.
So unless she’s changed a lot, I don’t think she’s a troll. It would have been easy to go with the mob but she stuck up for me.
I don’t have any deeper knowledge of that instance, just what I saw in all, so I don’t want to put anything on them. That thought just came across reading your comment.
I have made a mental remark in the past that the posts and users on this instance are better treated from afar, though.
i dont understand, please explain further. if blahaj mods have ignored misandry, that would be a bad thing. hate is generally regarded as bad, and misandry is hatred of men. therefore, misandry should be generally regarded as bad.
That’s true on face value. The issue is that accusations of misandry are almost always unfounded, and only made as a way to deflect and to attack women. So when people start talking about misandry, that’s generally a red flag.
It’s similar to how “all lives matter” is definitely a true and good value - but yet it is almost always said as a way to divert support away from vulnerable groups. So although the literal meaning is good, it is fair to assume that people saying it do not have good intentions.
You are right, but what he is calling misandry is not misandry, and so many people like him think misandry is the bigger problem now.
SoftestSapphic@lemmy.world
on 15 Apr 15:22
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Misandry is a huge problem in the space.
It’s why I couldn’t stand r/TwoXChromosomes anymore.
The amount of people saying we should “kill all men” without being banned is insane, if someone typed the opposite they would instantly get dogpiled and removed.
The blahaj admins have a record of supporting trolls and hateful people, just as long as they use the “right” language.
I feel like the whole supporting trolls thing is overblown.
They said that you should still use someone’s pronouns, even if they are trolling, because it sets the precedent that its okay to ignore someone’s pronoun preference.
Unless there is more that I missed.
SoftestSapphic@lemmy.world
on 15 Apr 23:09
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This account was banned on the day they posted the announcement because I had the gall to say that I would not respect the users who used Neopronouns as a joke to invalidate real gender identities. (Dragonfucker and their friends who also showed up to do this)
Ada insta banned me and all the dissenters from the instance, then she stalked some of us on other instances and messeged their admins to get us banned from those if we posted about what happened.
She banned enough users that it affected the 196 community , and the flood of messages from their users who couldn’t access 196 anymore is what caused moss to move it to .world in protest.
They’re hoping we all just forget and go away. But that place felt like my home after I left reddit, and now I see it’s a malicious cess pool of people who want to hurt others like they were hurt, and now I’m a target, I’m an acceptable “other” to hate for dopamine.
KillingTimeItself@lemmy.dbzer0.com
on 14 Apr 19:12
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“dragonfucker” and “attack helicopter”
i mean, if they’re doing it as a haha funny, i see no harm, but if they’re also being assholes, i think that takes precedent. You aren’t legally required to fill in your gender tagging appropriately so.
TokenEffort@sh.itjust.works
on 14 Apr 19:41
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They are an asshole though, a serial pot stirring drama seeking troll that gets people banned for reacting to their ragebait. Yeah I identify as a refurbished ebike and you must relearn English to refer to me, and you only rather not because you agree with literal genocide. Funny!
KillingTimeItself@lemmy.dbzer0.com
on 14 Apr 21:30
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I haven’t seen the attack helicopter and the joke is pretty damn old tbh, but drag at least is/was kinda funny. Drag’s profile specified that drag’s pronoun is “drag” in not just third, but also first and second person, which is an interesting concept. Drag also stayed in character in drag’s posts. Drag didn’t ever really bother people with the whole thing IMO.
KillingTimeItself@lemmy.dbzer0.com
on 14 Apr 21:30
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yeah, it’s a dead beat joke, it’s come around to the point now where you can do it ironically and nobody cares. Though i guess you could still just be an asshole at that point lmao.
The pronoun was just “drag”. PJ is the one who kept calling them “dragonfucker”. You can go read dragonriders comments instead of just repeating gossip.
SoftestSapphic@lemmy.world
on 15 Apr 13:49
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They are a troll and you are enabling them to harrass your community.
They imply the fucker part themselves, it’s part of their troll
cupcakezealot@lemmy.blahaj.zone
on 14 Apr 14:11
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also our wonderful admin kaity did what the lemmy devs couldn’t and nuked the dm spam :)
StarlightDust@lemmy.blahaj.zone
on 14 Apr 20:35
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It really seems like instance admins tend to do a much better job with a lot of stuff on here than the core devs. Its a shame that forking would take as much work as it would.
AllHailTheSheep@sh.itjust.works
on 15 Apr 02:24
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well some of the devs are too busy arguing over which authoritarian boot tastes the best, all under the guide of leftism, so yeah I imagine the bar isn’t exactly high
Realitaetsverlust@lemmy.zip
on 14 Apr 19:40
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Probably the … fourth-worst well known instance. Idk if that’s a good suggestion.
Lemminary@lemmy.world
on 14 Apr 21:39
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Pfft, I’d say overly aggressive to a fault. It’s not a good thing when they’re banning people for a passing comment where the worst offence is “gatekeeping” rather than something that matters.
As much as I appreciate the community and users, there are (or at least were) serious moderation problems on Blahaj, I did not feel safe there when I tried it a year or two ago.
LadyAutumn@lemmy.blahaj.zone
on 15 Apr 14:30
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I definitely cannot agree. I encourage anyone who has any issues with moderation to make a post in the Blahaj meta community. Ada and Kaity have been spectacular and have responded to every issue I have come across. There are limits, they can’t preemptively prevent any kind of moderation issue but they respond quickly.
StarlightDust@lemmy.blahaj.zone
on 14 Apr 18:38
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Lemmy has an undeniable woman problem that it carried over from Reddit. I’ve lost count of the number of pathetic blokes that I have blocked on here for anti feminism.
EDIT: Look at the responses to this comment for the proof.
100%
It’s really bad and lemmy is really in denial.
Sexism here is much worse than it was on Reddit.
It feels like 2008 Reddit here sexism wise, except instead of Ron Paul libertarians tooting their horns everywhere we have heavy tracked vehicle enthusiasts.
I did hope lemmy having a left leaning culture would help but it does not.
Try making any post that focuses on situations uniquely or disproportionally experienced by women and you get mostly “everyone has that why think about women” or “what about men” or “men have it worst” responses.
KillingTimeItself@lemmy.dbzer0.com
on 14 Apr 19:10
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Try making any post that focuses on situations uniquely or disproportionally experienced by women and you get mostly “what about men” or “men have it worst” responses.
that’s kind of just how controversial things are on the internet though.
Evens shitposting from men will get similar responses from women, it’s just how it is now. Sort of always has been.
StarlightDust@lemmy.blahaj.zone
on 14 Apr 20:20
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Lmao look at that douchebag’s comment history. Its arguably worse that than comment itself. God I wish there was a male loneliness epidemic because these fuckers stopped talking.
KillingTimeItself@lemmy.dbzer0.com
on 14 Apr 21:20
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Its arguably worse that than comment itself. God I wish there was a male loneliness epidemic because these fuckers stopped talking.
oh no funny man on the internet yaps a lot about things.
I come here for sociological research more than anything.
KillingTimeItself@lemmy.dbzer0.com
on 14 Apr 21:19
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yeah bro, it’s the internet, everybody has opinions.
“yeah so actually i think this is a big problem”
“yeah evidently it must be a problem, but like, this has always been a problem, and seems to be a consistent problem”
“YOU’RE LITERALLY THE PROBLEM!!!”
Lemmy User: It’s not really about women. Everyone suffers from this.
also to be clear, you are literally straw-manning me here, i’m not saying that “men have to suffer with women having an opinions” nobody cares, it is what it is, i think it’s interesting actually. You’re the one arguing that because people discuss topics that they find personally relevant is somehow “oppressing women”
I’m not saying you shouldn’t shitpost about that stuff in shitpost threads, by all means do, there’s interesting dialogue in it. I’m just saying this is a common occurrence anywhere on the internet, for any community. Hell go find a community for something as mundane as lego, you’ll find the same shit there.
Not everybody NEEDS to have their own specific issue that specifically effects them for it to be a valid or real problem. I just think this issue is far broader than most people expect it to be, ironically, i could argue you’re literally behaving the exact same way you claim i am. Because you are, and that’s exactly what’s happening.
Do i care? No, i don’t it’s the internet do whatever you want.
StarlightDust@lemmy.blahaj.zone
on 14 Apr 20:17
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Yep. Picking the bear.
KillingTimeItself@lemmy.dbzer0.com
on 14 Apr 21:15
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what if im the bear?
StarlightDust@lemmy.blahaj.zone
on 14 Apr 21:18
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Nah but have you ever considered that the reason that you think that there is a male loneliness epidemic is because nobody wants to hang out with insufferable misogynists?
KillingTimeItself@lemmy.dbzer0.com
on 14 Apr 21:28
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no, i don’t think that’s a reasonable answer, because you’re doing the fascist thing of “these people are wrong they need to change, and if they don’t we can justify whatever shitty behavior we want, because we’re morally superior”
It’s not dissimilar to a lot of nazi rhetoric.
I think the problem ultimately stems from a disconnect in social development through out society. Feminism has pushed women forward, successfully in a lot of ways, but it has also pulled men back, in a lot of ways, that’s not necessarily bad, but there is now a void there, and there is nothing filling it in, that’s why the manosphere got so big so fast. It’s literally capitalizing on an empty market.
If you want to solve the manosphere, the solution is simple, we need to fill in the void, and fix this disconnect that’s been happening for probably 75 years now. How we go about that is complicated, and not particularly simple, but i think it’s pretty clearly evident that the problem is aimless/directionless guidance for men especially in the last 20 years. Paired with historically contradictory ideas of manhood. Men are supposed to be strong and protect the weak, but it’s hard to do that when they don’t want it, or need it.
Once this void is filled in, this shit stops happening, simple as.
StarlightDust@lemmy.blahaj.zone
on 14 Apr 23:31
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But the fact that the majority (or perhaps less than half now) of the responses literally prove the point I am trying to make proves my point downvotes or not.
You have to remember the people who would literally unironically make such a post that proves my post are the densest of the dense.
Most sexists, while dense, are less dense than a black hole and would not prove my point for me under such a post.
I mean if you use the Marxist/Leninist definition of left then obviously not. But I mean left leaning in terms of the societal understanding.
AllHailTheSheep@sh.itjust.works
on 14 Apr 19:54
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yep it’s pretty horrible. any time gender issues are brought up there’s dozens of comments saying “what about the men” and completely missing the point
IndustryStandard@lemmy.world
on 14 Apr 20:00
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What about the me
misteloct@lemmy.world
on 14 Apr 20:26
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TankovayaDiviziya@lemmy.world
on 14 Apr 22:02
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As a guy, I do recognise that men are disadvantaged in many areas and need to be put on equal footing with women-- like courts disproportionately award custody of children to mothers, regardless of how unfit the mother is to be a caregiver. But broadly speaking from my pespective, women are still at more disadvantage. I used to live in a bad part of my city for many years and have had little to no issues. However, it is a different story from women I spoke who got harrased, and another hit on the head. They said they will avoid going to the city ever again. I remember sharing the accounts of these women to other men, and the men were surprised because their experience is the complete opposite. Women are still seen as weak. And in the corporate hierarchy, men (of tall statures) disproportionately make up the board of directors and executive roles.
AllHailTheSheep@sh.itjust.works
on 14 Apr 22:18
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yep. the difference is, when women have been disadvantaged they tend to create spaces and pathways to talk about or change it. unfortunately a lot of men tend to isolate, even though they are not alone. then when they see something about a women receiving help through programs created by women for women their feelings of being abandoned by the system come up again. it’s just another way that toxic masculinity hurts everyone. the fix for that is of course feminism, but it’s a pretty massive barrier for most men to accept that.
Men don’t always isolate by choice. There’s a large cultural aversion to creating and sustaining male-only spaces, and that aversion comes from all sectors.
Every college campus has a women’s club but if you try making a men’s club you’ll probably get reprimanded.
AllHailTheSheep@sh.itjust.works
on 15 Apr 00:27
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every college campus has men’s clubs theyre called fraternities
Cryophilia@lemmy.world
on 15 Apr 00:28
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You know that’s not what I’m talking about.
AllHailTheSheep@sh.itjust.works
on 15 Apr 02:21
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then I guess I’m not sure what you’re really talking about then.
it goes back to my original point though. if you feel there should be those spaces, no one is stopping you from making them. there were a few subreddits I used to browse (maybe it was mensrights or menslib or something similar) that was super respectful and held genuinely helpful and important conversations about the issues men face. trust me, absolutely no one will stop you from making those spaces. if those spaces you’re trying to create aren’t respectful, then yes I imagine people might not like that.
drunkpostdisaster@lemmy.world
on 15 Apr 06:19
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I was referring to IRL safe spaces and support groups.
Making men’s spaces online specifically has the dual problem of being attacked by both misogynists and radical feminists. It’s a lot of work and a lot of hate to deal with, so they don’t pop up a lot. But yes, they do exist, there’s a semi-active menslib community on lemmy for example. I think that one veers way too heavily into the “us men are really awful aren’t we?” feminist takes, personally; the reddit one was a lot better.
drunkpostdisaster@lemmy.world
on 15 Apr 06:18
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yeah, thats the problem. The only mens places are altright infested shit holes. Its liftest mens places that are discouraged.
SwingingTheLamp@midwest.social
on 14 Apr 23:47
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The court thing is not universally true. I worked in a family law firm for several years, and the practice in the courts here is to start from a baseline of equal custody and placement, and I’ve heard the same about other states. The men who lost out were the ones who wouldn’t fight, because they were convinced that the courts were biased. But hell, in one case, we got full custody and placement for a guy whose son wasn’t even biologically his! (His wife cheated, and he didn’t find out until well after they’d emotionally bonded.)
Man, I have been in SO MANY internet arguments where I am simultaneously arguing against a woman that yes, men have problems, while also arguing against a man that no, those problems are not worse on the whole than women have.
Back when the whole “bear in the woods” thing was going around misogynists would try to jump in and support me.
Woman: “all men are rapists”
Me: “that’s insulting and hurtful and misandrist, and also not even close to true”
Misogynist: “Yeah! And also women are heartless bitches!”
Me: “I don’t remember asking YOU a goddamn thing”
AllHailTheSheep@sh.itjust.works
on 15 Apr 01:42
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no one is saying all men are rapists. what they are saying is that the statistics are great enough that women have to be on edge around all men. I wish you would take the passion you have for arguing against a generalization and devote it towards making sure the men around you aren’t part of the issue. I say that as a trans women who has seen the issue from both sides. I understand where you’re coming from, truly, but having been socialized male I saw that every man has chances to change the people around them and 99.9% fail to do so.
drunkpostdisaster@lemmy.world
on 15 Apr 06:16
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Proceeds to say ALMOST all men to the level that ALL women are afraid of them.
AllHailTheSheep@sh.itjust.works
on 15 Apr 12:46
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you wouldn’t argue if I said all bears are dangerous, even if some will walk right up to you and let you feed them from your hand. again, you should take your anger at this turn of phrase and devote it to something that actually helps your cause.
and for the love of god, it might be time to analyze where you’re getting the news from. if you actually believe the fox news ass all men are rapists line then I dont know what to tell you, your critical thinking might just be fried.
bane_killgrind@slrpnk.net
on 15 Apr 06:22
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The response to “what about men” comments is, we’re already talking about men when we talk about misogyny. Misandry and misogyny are the exact same problem, strictly enforced gender roles. If you deviate, you are punished. The men that are caregivers are derided just like the women that refuse to rear children. Every other related paradigm punches down into the people who do not conform. Stoicism in men, histrionics in women.
Either is a foil for the other and it’s exactly the same bullshit.
“Are there any Lemmy communities FOR rape survivors and by rape survivors?”
And someone says “Well why do you want to create division? Shouldn’t rapists also have a chance to share their side?”
I’m not saying this is a realistic “turn the tables” but neither is yours. I will explain why.
Right now, despite whatever stupid fucking propaganda a select few assholes are hung up on, there are no systemic attacks happening on white people just for being white. At least none of any value or meaning. No, fringe groups don’t count because they don’t have power and never will have power in this system. However there ARE in fact many white-nationalist groups that ARE gaining power and voice, and attempting to return to an old hegemonic ideal of race. This isn’t a “that’s not fair!” issue, this is an issue about our very future as a diverse species sharing a world together.
I don’t think there should be ANY exclusionary spaces, but I do think there should be well-moderated spaces for people of similar ideas or demographics to share thoughts without being attacked for their identity. There should be spaces where people know they will be ejected for trying to sabotage the conversations.
Division and segregation hurts all of us, and if we want to fight it, we have to fight the fuckers who drive people to want to escape, we have to fight the trolls and monsters and bullies and nazis who make people feel afraid. Those are the ones trying to divide us, and those are the ones we shouldn’t be giving voice to.
sunflowercowboy@feddit.org
on 14 Apr 21:10
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I completely agree with you.
White people are just frustrated equality means feeling burdens, pains, and other things equally. By all carrying a little, you can carry a whole lot. However, I’ve learned it comes from a place of comfort. They think the world around them is sound, that rules exist and structure permeates. They are but babies to reality. Even the christians among them do not understand the misery and suffering the bible speaks of.
Those that propagate these lies, they witness not injustices but a system they can exploit. They are the demons that keep us awake at night and fearing our safety.
Our species has a lot more vulnerabilities in our minds and hearts than we really want to admit to even ourselves… but there are wicked people who do know about them, and they will try everything to pry those vulnerabilities open and make us feel things so our brains latch onto stories to explain those feelings.
We have to be constantly wary of anyone who says things that make us feel powerful emotions, no matter who or where, this our future battleground. The next world-war will be waged internally.
(And with missiles too of course.)
sunflowercowboy@feddit.org
on 14 Apr 23:20
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It makes me happy that you too fear. It feels like maybe I am not alone in carrying all this pain, that it is worth continuing. That I feel the burden for people who truly want to see love and kindness proliferate.
This is a really, really scary time right now, if there was ever a time to know a general, baseline level of fear, it would be now. We’re entering a world where it’s really hard to tell what’s real, but we’re a population of creatures with brains designed by the last Ice Age and as a result, all our brains do is tell stories to make explanations for how we feel.
These brains are woefully inadequate for relating to a world with several huge, complicated issues intersecting, from technology/AI, to climate change, to political instability and misinformation.
I’ve been around a few, I’m getting up there in years. And I have NEVER seen a world more lost and confused and embattled in issues we’re incapable of sorting out as individuals. And it’s all going to get so much worse before it gets better.
Yah, you’re not alone, but you also can’t sit on your hands. Seriously, save money, put dry or preserved food away, bury some cash or gold. Learn to cook and shoot, get your passport updated, have a go-bag.
Within the next 10 - 20 years we’re going to have a global instability like we’ve never seen. Half of all animals will be facing potential endangerment, oceans will have a harder and harder time sustaining yields and the fresh-water problem is going to be a full-on emergency in many places. And on top of all this, we will have dictators and little tyrants throwing missiles at each other left and right, old alliances will crumble, wars will stack on wars, and machines will start thinking like people and controlling our weapons and our world. I have no idea what’s going to happen but I want everyone to be ready. America in particular hasn’t known the hardships of forced migration and famine and war and artillery barrages, so people here are going to have a hard time adjusting to how tough things may get.
sunflowercowboy@feddit.org
on 15 Apr 01:52
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Already on it. Saving spools of wick too because, sadly I fear a worse timeline than that of America.
You see my brother, he died years ago. Homeless, been everywhere here and there. Bipolar and bottom of the barrel. It hurts to say this but it is truthful.
He told my mom 3 things that have stuck with me. 1. I am her compensation for all her suffering. 2. He was sent by god. 3. His old gang was being wiped out, his time was coming.
I called him deluded by some undiagnosed condition.
Now here I am. Just scared because I followed my heart and it led me here too. I wanted a peaceful life, but I have knowledge if not for people, but for the new life humanity is birthing.
We’re in free-fall right now, but kind of like the market when a recession begins, we don’t see it until it’s in hindsight. But right now it’s already in full swing, whatever people meant about the “singularity” it’s already happening, because we have no idea what’s going to happen next, predictive models are toast. We used to be able to predict the future out to the decade with ideas about politics, technology and society being extrapolated with fairly good accuracy.
We can’t predict what’s going to happen next month now. Even our so-called leadership has just abandoned all semblance of control and appearances of normalcy and are just trying to get as much as they can as fast as they can before it all collapses.
I don’t think we’re going to lose everything. We’re going to have some hardships and a LOT of people are going to suffer. And likely there will be deaths at a scale that grows so steadily and so long-term that we’re all going to collectively tune out the news. Again. I just don’t know what’s going to be built on the other side. It will either be solar panels and servers and robot factories, or it will be death machines and tools of darkness. (And server farms and robot factories, but meant for like… mulching brown people who still have oil and water.)
pr0sp3kt@lemmy.dbzer0.com
on 15 Apr 13:12
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I agree up to a certain point. You say moderation I say censorship.
Ah give me a break. Can’t there be something that is designed specifically for women without you feeling excluded? Nobody says that you aren’t allowed to participate.
Why are you making it personal about me? I don’t give a damn what you do. Did you see the part of my last comment where I said that I can understand why women would want it?
You asked a question, I provided an answer. It is inherently divisive by definition, and that’s completely fine. Pull your head out.
I haven’t written anything about excluding other genders. It’s only about a women centric place with additional moderation protection and administration and moderation by women (and yes, these can also be trans women or even men admins and mods if the group decides so).
But why excluding men or anybody else from participating, as long as they stay on topic?
Division is made when you divide the people.
Having a space for women by women isn’t division. It’s about creating a safe space.
Just in general already against the massive structural issues with Lemmy
What structural issues?
It is a group of people who like to constantly divide
Isn’t this normal human behavior? Still doesn’t mean that people are enemies because of splitting into different groups.
I can’t tell if your question is in good faith or not because of how awkwardly it’s worded, but if you’re asking how women can feel uncomfortable online, you’re obviously not a woman, so enjoy that I guess.
pr0sp3kt@lemmy.dbzer0.com
on 14 Apr 20:28
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I can’t imagine and no one explains. If my words are weird, yours are buzzing my brain also…
There are a lot of things you probably aren’t even aware of that are normal for women, I would really encourage you to broaden your social sphere and make friends of other genders and backgrounds and listen to what other people deal with.
You probably don’t even know how much harassment and threats you would face just being a woman online, it’s not exaggerated, there are a LOT of people who really enjoy making women feel unsafe, it’s a game to them. Most girls I know hide their identities online and pretend to be men. Imagine not being able to express yourself freely even on the internet because you don’t want to feel unsafe or hated.
pr0sp3kt@lemmy.dbzer0.com
on 15 Apr 13:38
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You probably don’t even know how much harassment and threats you would face just being a woman online
For example? tbh I don’t even put pictures of myself on the internet, I don’t like that kind of social interaction. I am trying to understand but it’s pretty hard. Harrassment like what, threats like what? Feel unsafe in what sense? I am not getting solid examples I can’t understand.
I am not a woman but I have many female friends and family members and a partner who talk about the things they deal with, so let me give a few examples of things you may deal with as a woman online or off, in increasing levels of severity and threat level:
Being condescended to and ignored, talked over and interrupted constantly.
Being excluded from things and patronized for wanting to talk about certain topics or activities.
Guys who cannot stop making sexual advances and sexual comments and have to try to steer every conversation towards sex. Always cracking sexual jokes towards women and looking for a response.
Getting sent dick pics and other pornographic imagery without prompt or reason.
Guys in gaming groups or discord servers who act friendly and slowly become more and more obsessive and threatening and feel entitled to your attention.
Men who fully act normal and decent and integrate into a social group but have secret obsessive impulses and they try to spread rumors and lies about the woman or women in their circle, creating stories to try to isolate the girl they’re interested in, or attempts to get the female members of the group ejected because they feel insecure around them.
Men who can’t distinguish between being friends and being intimate, and suddenly feel like they’re your boyfriend and entitled to know everything you do and everywhere you go, making threats to harm themselves or you if you don’t reciprocate the "relationship."
Stalkers who find your personal information online and send you pictures from your social media or other personal items to show that they know where you live.
Being followed home or stalked by actual people who find out who you are.
There are a lot of social “rules” that women have to deal with, and a lot of men aren’t even aware of them. Like how they never leave drinks unattended when out with friends. When being dropped off at their house, they ask the driver to wait until they get all the way inside with the door closed before the driver leaves.
I often hesitate to give these kinds of examples because invariably there will be someone who claims it’s all lies or exaggerated, or they dismiss it and say “I wish I got that kind of attention online!” and other mind-meltingly dense, stupid or aggressive takes. This is why I asked if you have talked to real women you know about their experiences, because they don’t talk about this stuff, particularly online to people they aren’t close to. As soon as you get close to any women you learn exactly how much sexual predation they endure their whole lives and yeah, they do “get used it” in that they don’t go around telling everyone about every interaction. 1 out of 5 women are raped or have been assaulted/attempted rape. Of these victims, 1 out of 3 had it happen between ages of 11 and 17.
Most women who are murdered are murdered by a spouse, boyfriend, acquaintance or someone who met them once or twice.
Women have very good reason to feel afraid of strangers, online or off, if you’re actually interested in learning more and reading actual examples there is a WEALTH of information online and plenty of women’s stories on major forums, from Lemmy to Reddit to twitter threads.
It’s the sexist comments, boomer humor, male-centric views, the mansplaining, the chauvinism, the micro-aggressions, lack of empathy from a lack of perspective, the oversimplification without nuance, etc. All that generally makes women uncomfortable and sometimes it’s a bit much. Sometimes you want to forget those exist and focus on what matters to you with like-minded people.
It’s the same for us gay folks. I know I can’t just bring up whatever gay topic in a straight group where not everyone can relate, offer their first hand experience, or might find it weird because it’s not part of their lives.
Trying to concentrate similar people to discuss common topics is, at the very worst, a constructive division.
pr0sp3kt@lemmy.dbzer0.com
on 15 Apr 13:17
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You say minimizing, I say maximizing. If you don’t have strong and solid arguments you can’t ask for safe places, what the hell is a safe place to start with…
This is not about arguments, bro. Or which ones do you mean? And safe spaces are meant to be non-confrontational. You can disagree, but you do it respectfully, without smug attitudes.
pr0sp3kt@lemmy.dbzer0.com
on 15 Apr 14:28
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This is confrontation also, it seems for you debating could be confrontational? It’s a debate lol…
misteloct@lemmy.world
on 14 Apr 20:32
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Women need a space to communicate with other women, men can’t completely understand the unique experience, challenges and culture women have within literally every culture and sometimes we need only those who understand to listen. Men, be an ally to women and shut up, let them have a safe space without your intrusion.
pr0sp3kt@lemmy.dbzer0.com
on 15 Apr 13:11
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Yeah, not buying that.
FearMeAndDecay@literature.cafe
on 14 Apr 22:10
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There’s a Midwest focused instance and I wouldn’t call that division. They’re not trying to exclude East and west coasters. They don’t hate southerners. It’s just similar people gathering to talk about the things they have in common, which in this instance are midwesterner things. It’s the same for women. It’d be nice to have a place to talk about things that women have in common and experience that men don’t. If it was anything like the 2XChromosomes subreddit then men wouldn’t be banned, and plenty of men comment, it’s just that the topic of conversation focuses on women and women’s experiences. Having a place for people, especially women, to talk about women’s issues and experiences isn’t anymore divisive than having a midwestern instance or a European instance. And it would be a good place for men to look into to learn more about what life is like as a woman. If men feel they don’t have a place to talk about men’s problems, then they should also make an instance specifically for talking about men’s experiences
pr0sp3kt@lemmy.dbzer0.com
on 15 Apr 13:19
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I agree, but you shall not criticize if men want to do that. You don’t have the right also. The problem is there is a lot of people that does the same…
stevedice@sh.itjust.works
on 15 Apr 16:17
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Speaking in general: Creating communities/instances is easy. Moderating them is hard.
In particular: I would love to create women’s spaces. But then I’d have to be on the lookout for the Knights of the True Fedora. They’re out there. Somewhere. Now now, I’m not suggesting it’d be a daily problem! …But the actual daily problems (regular spam and whatnot) would suck too.
CheeseToastie@lazysoci.al
on 15 Apr 07:13
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I’m in charge of !WomensStuff@lazysoci.al I’ve got to say the vast majority of men have been fantastically supportive! Odd comment and spite downvote but it’s manageable
FinishingDutch@lemmy.world
on 14 Apr 21:24
nextcollapse
Be the change you wish to see in the world.
It really comes down to this: if you want your own space for particular interests, you should create one and find likeminded people to populate it. Just waiting for it to magically appear isn’t going to work. Be assertive.
Can somebody explain to me a thing about anti-feminism: as a 99.5% cishet standard regular manly man man, even from an extremely cold, selfish, objective, all-for-me approach I cannot understand what I stand to gain by this. What’s the point?
bane_killgrind@slrpnk.net
on 15 Apr 06:03
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Nothing. The only people that gain anything from strict gender roles are the rich, and they use them to create disparities and depress wages.
Yep - It really is divide and conquer by the rich. Look at ‘the culture wars’, they will stoke anything to high hell if it gets poor people to stupidly discriminate and fight each other.
pr0sp3kt@lemmy.dbzer0.com
on 15 Apr 13:30
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It’s a very sectorized movement that fight only for their interests. It’s also a platform for future political figures. Maybe feminism has more sense the past century, but these days I don’t know what their goals are. They say equity yet they ask government for positive discrimination in order to enter to jobs (in my country that is called positive discrimination, the funny thing is that I declared non-binary (?) and I am automatically with more points than straight xD). Yet there exists some violence, for example sexual harrasement, but how you control a fucking degenerate loser? Maybe police? The other things I’m not buying it. You aren’t earning less than men, if that was the case companies only hire women, I would do that. Not enough women in leadership? but I think leadership is a singular quality, a personal quality, not everyone can be a leader. I don’t even get what are microaggressions, are you sure you are not oversensitive? Mansplaining, so I can’t be a teacher because I am a man and I am explaining concepts? wot? I am not buying that sht.
The weaker and more dependent from a man a woman is, the less likely she will have her own opinions, desires or plans, and less likely she will be to leave the insecure men who want this.
The complaints that I’ve heard (from previous co-workers) are that feminism was fine until sometime around the late 2000’s, but around that time it morphed into something that was anti-men.
For the most part, there’s a lot of sour grapes perspectives - a lot of my previous co-workers are anywhere from centrist to conservative. I’ve heard the selective service registration mentioned in the past, and to an extent I agree with complaint perspective on the selective service thing, but that’s about it.
Goldholz@lemmy.blahaj.zone
on 15 Apr 06:14
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threaded - newest
Like women only or hosted by women? Based on the selfhosted poll I’m guessing there is a 5% there is.
Both of them
I feel discriminated
My apologies as I didnt intend to
.
I wont, im just suggesting them
Where did you get these informations?
Probably he browsed my mastodon profile
It’s called “being an ally,” and it’s far more productive than faking outrage and borderline-doxxing people we disagree with.
Why are you being so hostile?
Not women only but women centric and with additional moderation protection. And yeah, I’d also say that women should administer and moderate such an instance.
.
People who cover their drinks when you’re around.
Everyone is a woman on this blessed day!
Speak for yourself.
I am one with everything, so by speaking about myself, I speak about the whole of reality. Checkmate!
i don’t go to bars or anything, so i guess everyone is a man?
People who tell you they’re women.
You don’t know what a woman is? Or is this some kind of attempt at trolling?
.
I think maybe it would have been clearer to just ask this question directly and openly. The way you phrased it is the way a lot of bigots do to try to start trouble.
No one would understand this is what you intended if you use a transphobic dogwhistle for that.
Community-wise there’s !WomensStuff@lazysoci.al
unfortunately I think this is the current answer, at least on Lemmy.
unfortunately?
Meaning there isn’t an instance for women, nor are there multiple communities - as far as I know there’s just this one community.
oh, I see.
I think there’s also We are women on lemmy.ml and Women on lemmy.world?
sorry, I should have clarified that I was talking about active communities (where users regularly visit and interact)
This seems like a very good niche for someone willing to do it. Problematic accounts could get a site-wide ban instead of each woman having to ban someone herself.
Niche? Bruh, they’re half of the population lmao
Unfortunately it is niche right now in the fediverse based on the stats. That could change but probably requires a different approach to achieve.
Nicole is on a mission to single-handedly skew those stats
I would guess that most women wouldn’t feel the need to be on a woman-focused Lemmy instance for their main / only account. But, some might want an alt account to discuss certain things there.
While this won’t be the case with everyone, it was mentioned a few times in a post I made here a long while back
lemmy.ca/post/9443464
That’s pretty brave of you. It’s a lot of work to fight people’s assumptions, and I’m sure it results in harassment.
But, you’re right that things will never change if women don’t do that. It’s a chicken and egg thing. Nobody wants to be the first to do it, because whoever’s first gets harassed the most. But, if enough people do it, it won’t be abnormal anymore.
Good luck, and thanks for trying to make women on the internet more normal.
I don't know of any "men only" instances, the fact that it's gender-specific is niche rather than the specific gender.
Same reason womens magazines are more popular than mens magazines and womens subreddits and websites are more popular than mens.
Maybe one day we’ll have full equality and it’ll be weird to think of “women’s spaces” as something that’s necessary. But it’s very much so today.
I don’t believe they actively intended to exclude anyone, but there is/was Dull Men’s Club, and I believe they’ve recently rebranded to “Dullsters”.
we all know there’s currently only 1 chick in the fediverse
P in that case Nicole’s DMs are the Lemmy women’s sub.
There WAS 1 chick in the fediverse.
The situation took a dark turn recently.
It’s not niche being a woman obviously. What’s niche is having a community exclude 50% of the population. Nothing wrong with it, but it is niche.
Zero women have tried to make one so far regardless of how many would use a new instance. So it can’t be all that in demand.
I think it naturally would occur if Lemmy grows in size. There’s not many people here to begin with.
There’s !WomensStuff@lazysoci.al we started a little over a month ago and recently hit 1000 members
this is a bit of how Blahaj works as I understand it, so it’s a good model - if anything I would think Blahaj might already be poised for this kind of instance-level protection of women
EDIT:
one of the Blahaj guidelines does include removing bigotry, including sexism, and would be a candidate for a safe space for women:
That said, the women spaces on Blahaj are mostly for trans women, so a more general women’s community would be nice.
Lemmy needs block lists users can subscribe to like they can on BlueSky, it would make a huge difference imo.
beehaw.org aspire to be nice, friendly diverse and safe. But they're more towards nice, not women. And we have lemmy.blahaj.zone for queer folks. To my knowledge, there isn't a place aimed towards women. Maybe heehaw is the closest... Still not really a fit.
You could go ahead and also ask in some of the women communities, see how they get along here on the Fediverse.
Beehaw.org is nice, Heehaw.org is the closest, Hoohaw.org is the promised land
how would they stop men from participating?
There is no resonable way to do that.
The only way I could see it being done while perserving some kind of anonymity would be to have a defederated instance, where members are invite-only, where members can invite their friends to join, there by verifying that there are no men joining.
Unfortunately, there is no good way of verifying the gender of a person that you don’t meet outside of a forum.
I’ve mentioned this before in other threads that seek a women-centric Lemmy option, but there was at least one secret community on Reddit like that. Invitees’ post histories were vetted before an invite was sent, both to find women specifically, but also to prevent trolls.
I don’t know exactly how they did it, all I know is that I got an invite one day and found the most open, comforting community I’d ever seen online. It was a place where we could talk about anything from silly stories that made us smile, to complaining about specific issues with bras, all without fear of trolls hijacking the thread, or turning an ordinary thing for us into something sexual.
I miss it.
Sounds fantastic, I hope that you can find a community like that again.
Vetting the post history is probably the only realistic way of doing it, it is time consuming, I am sad that it is needed, but if that is what it it takes it is at least doable.
I wish you and all women online good luck in finding a community like that, everyone needs a good community to enjoy!
I don’t see a reason to deny men from participating.
Why should they want to do that? That’s not how most sites for women work!
Blahaj.zone is an instance aimed at queer people, but it doesn’t have to prevent non-queer people from participating. I would imagine an instance aimed at women to be similar.
Just make it obvious that it’s meant for women and most men will exclude themselves
On a public forum?
Lol you wish
It works at bars, play music made by women and the Nazis will find another place to sieg heil each other without even being to be told
ban the rowdy ones lmao
This idea is pretty cool, i hope they will succeed to achieve that. Imo, we lack diversity on the forumverse except maybe mastodon.
It would provide an additional security layer, another governance. They could also benefit a lot from local community and can check vote, email, ip...Other have already mentionned good example with blahaj, beehaw...
On the other hand, it will render the instance more visible.
On my main instance, jlai.lu, i think we don't manage well sexist speech. They are moderated, we do our best to explain to our users what's wrong and slowly change them but we don't have the same sensibility as women.
Men explaining women...So we probably missed lot things.
But like what even is a social media for women? I wasn’t aware the ones we currently have were for men
reddit has /r/TwoXChromosomes which is one of my favorite subs. It’s a general womens subreddit, and though it obviously leans feminist it’s not its main purpose. It welcomes all genders, but remains a womens space.
The fediverse could really use that energy.
There’s also /r/WitchesVsPatriarchy which is also very strictly woman-centered.
Damn women appropriating witchdom. Excluding boywitches just reaffirms the patriarchy’s gendering of magic. It’s re-inventing the same gender roles.
Neither the WvP subreddit nor the Discord excludes men from identifying as witches or from participating in discussions.
Then what does women-centered mean in practice? Is it just a nothing label?
Woman-centered is not an absolute. One does not have to be part of a single characteristic of a group to have a stake in it, to be an ally, an advocate, a partner, a family member, among countless other scenarios.
I would suggest reading up on intersectionality.
By the way, all of this is covered in the subreddit sidebar, including in an FAQ in the wiki.
I’m sorry, what?
It’s women-centered because it’s “against patriarchy”… not because it’s witchy. And they are trans & queer inclusive as well.
I think it would be even more against patriarchy if it was enby centered. They should change that.
You need to stay away from feminism and enby activism entirely until you’ve humbled yourself and seriously sat with how problematic this take is.
You’re not helping anybody with that. Least of all enbies/trans people. And not just because it makes us look bad either, though that’s certainly part of it.
I don’t know how problematic this take is, and since you can’t explain how it is, I’m convinced you don’t either. You’re just having an emotional reaction to deviation from the gender binary’s norms, which construct womanhood as the opposite of manhood.
Don’t worry you have nothing to get from people identifying as “witches”
Narrow minded nonsense.
I wondered if they made the jump over here. Guess not, sadly. Reading that sub has made me a better man, because it offers some pretty harsh critiques of male behavior.
We used to have an equivalent on our instance, but it was constantly flooded with reply-bros and trans people complaining about the name, so we archived it as no women was willing to moderate it (for understandable reasons).
Lemmy supports local-only private communities now, might be a good use case for that
Nah, let the transphobic name die
As a trans person please stop. You’re not helping & are being underhandedly misogynistic.
Yeah but thats a subreddit not REDDIT itself, you can similarly start a /c/TwoX on just about any Lemmy instance.
While I do agree with what you’re saying, I actually think a “by women for women” instance has a slightly different impact than a “by women for women” community. There are definitely pros and cons for both, though
Its all technically ran by trans women which is mildly interesting, like the mods of 2x and the others on reddit and here I think
on reddit every female sub is ran by the same woman
I was thinking of making one, but I’m not a woman, so I’ll think of something else
Depends. You looking for a woman’s space…or a terf space?
I definitely think it should be an inclusive, not exclusive space
Either can describe a bar that throws out Nazis or a Nazi bar, depending on perspective.
now you’re just being dickish.
Nah I’m demanding clarity. A clear question “Do you mean excluding TERFs or excluding women” and the answer is “I want to be inclusive”. It may not be meant as such, and I’m definitely not implying that it was, but that’s exactly how a TERF would evade questioning.
A clear “Fuck TERFs” would have provided plenty of clarity, and been much shorter. Also, it would have said “Fuck TERFs”.
Idk man “exclusionary” is literally part of terf I don’t think there’s much ambiguity there. Fuck terfs though.
They’re also complaining about “women being excluded from women’s spaces by agents of the patriarchy posing as women”. They’re also not necessarily using “TERF” as a label. They’re using typical fascist-style “words mean whatever we want them to mean in the moment” type of stuff, hiding clear-cut positions behind pretend nuance, hence why I favour clarity.
This is transmisogynistic and misogynoir as well as plain old misogyny. Don’t ask me to explain. Just don’t do it.
I regret my part in this recto-cranial inversion of a conversation
blahaj.zone is a great one I’ve found. Extremely inclusive, brooks absolutely no bullshit from bad faith actors.
Is also very very queer tho JSYK
That could be our new Lemmy slogan.
Except the Drag person, obvious troll they keep around.
Don’t call them a troll or Ada will ban you like she did me and half of 196
Good
Dragonfucker isn’t a gender, you enabling trolls makes LGBTQ spaces worse for people with real gender identities that experience real discrimination in the real world.
I bet you feel good when the people you hate get silenced though, like a drug addict chasing dopamine.
You don’t get to decide what is and what isn’t a real identity :) if that makes you mad, the ban was justified just for that,
Do you identify as a troll like dragonfucker?
Is that why making me mad is so important to you? :3
Does the troll drug addict want their squirt of dopamine?
Is that it? People disagreeing with you must be trolls? Does imagening that make it easier?
People who want to try to invalidate and mock gender identities are trolls.
Nobody’s gender is realistically “dragonfucker” or “attack helicopter”.
And you like the little squirt of dopamine you get for making the people they attack angry.
You’re not cute or clever for stepping around the rhetoric so you don’t get banned.
It’s maybe the most impotent victim fantasy of a troll I’ve seen in a long time, and i think that’s what bothers me about it.
Blocked
Like I said, you don’t get to decide what isn’t a real identity. That’s some TERF shit.
People are fucking weird about drag.
Honestly there are far more worthy things to get pissed about this day and age, open a window
I just blocked them and moved on. It’s just insane it took so long for the admins to finally ban them.
I don’t think we can equate “queer space” with “women’s space”.
I didn’t.
Well I would definitely put blahaj down as a queer-focused space rather than a women-focused space. It’s inclusive, women are welcome, but the community there is very much about queer issues.
Key word: you.
k.
lemmy.blahaj.zone has a decent amount of women and both their admins are women, it’s not a “women’s space” as one would describe since everyone is welcome there but it’s probably the closest thing one would describe as an instance “by women for women”. I am obligated to mention that it is a queer instance and that many of the women there are either trans themselves or strongly supportive of trans people, and do not tolerate transphobia or anti-LGBT sentiment (including refusal to support LGBTQ people) at all.
Beat me to it. Their zero tolerance for misogyny/transphobia extends to who they federate with. If a server doesn’t care about its users being transphobic then it gets the axe. I remember it being a big hub bub because an instance was actually using its defederation option.
Everyone Except Fascists and/or Tankies
I think that kind of goes without saying.
I wish
spinster exists but I think its the opposite where its antitrans
We all pretend that it didn’t exist and do not acknowledge its presence; that’s the informal rule.
Like Finland if it were real.
Yeah Spinster is generally considered a hate site, and consequently is very widely defederated, even from general purpose instances like lemmy.world. Also it’s less of a Reddit alternative and more of a Twitter alternative but is technically redundant since you can do everything you did on there on the real thing instead.
I thought that was mastodon. Do they have a lemmy instance as well?
.
Thought it was
blahaj.zoneAnyway, they dont have it AFAIK
Nope, just micro-blogging.
The admin behind it is also a man so its for (some) women by a man. Literally the opposite.
As much as I appreciate the community and users at Blahaj, in my personal experience, the moderation was fairly wanting. At least a year or two ago (not sure about now), they tolerated some pretty freakish right-wing people who enabled chasers and other weird shit on their communities.
They certainly do not seem very tolerant of that now, they very commonly ban people for thinly veiled homophobia and transphobia that would normally slide on other sites. They do not even seem mildly willing to tolerate the intolerant.
Good.
TW: crude and insensitive joke (hopefully the spoiler tag works lol)
ETA: lemme know if you need this taken down. Sometimes the intrusive thoughts win
spoiler tag didnt appear to work, but this indeed is very stupid and funny.
NGL I almost deleted it this morning, glad it made you giggle
i almost never delete things i post on the internet, i’m a firm believer in sillyposting because the nothing is sacred.
IDK, call it a character badge or whatever you want. It’s just how i am.
its kinda sad how one of the biggest women’s community on the lemmy/mbin side of fedi is !femcelmemes@lemmy.blahaj.zone…
i mean, it’s a great community, but yea.
There seems to be a majority of males even in that community though
every femcel community gets invaded by guys at some point. see: r/letgirlshavefun and r/femcelgrippysockjail. theres one that went private and thats keeping out the men really well (and is the only community im still on reddit for)
Well maybe if girls weren’t weird and trying to make shaving fun they wou
I don’t know how to finish this joke I’m tired. Finish it for me i give quest xp
Idk the majority of posters there are transfems afaik, with a smattering of femboys posting as well.
Are you talking about browsers/commentors? Cause almost all the prolific posters are women, unless you’re being transphobic
I don’t know any of them and would not even recognize their usernames. Just be real, there can’t be that many women, it’s just not consistent with Lemmy’s userbase. To me that sub draws more attention from men who view it as a fantasy. Read the comments and the posts, many of them don’t seem legitimate
Erotador, totallynotjessica, kewwwi, and squirrel are by far the people who post most there and they’re all women.
My yin, I’m the one with the blahaj zone account here
Hahaha the name doesn’t do it justice tbh, *cel has connotations that femcelmemes really just doesn’t have
Pardon my ignorance but what would be the point of that? You can sign up on any instance and participate in any women’s communities. It’s not like there’s any way to verify the user’s gender anyway.
A community like that would hopefully ban misogynists who go unbanned on other communities.
“Community” is the operative word there. OP is asking about an instance.
An instance can be a community in the general sense of the word.
Right but it has a very specific meaning here.
They (I think) meant that the instance would be a community, and the admins would ban misogynists.
I know what they meant but it’s an important distinction here.
Local feed I guess. I wouldn’t trade my french local feed to another despite the abillity to subscribe to the community that made it.
our local french feed 🤝
D’autant plus que je ne poste pas souvent dessus !
Local feed is one of the best parts of Lemmy conceptually and a very clear indicator that the intended behaviour for users is to sign up to smaller insurances related to their location or otherwise significant individual interests.
Couldn’t you sign up on another instance and still subscribe to all the same communities?
It would only work if I don’t subscribe to any other instances. That’s a bad tradeoff.
The fediverse needs a tool to surf other instances local feed cause that’s a common issue for both the threadiverse and twittoverse. Soon, we may have enough theme-oriented PixelFed instances for them to have the same issue. I believe PieFed multicommunity feeds to be the best way to tackle it so far but that’s not even a good solution.
with enough admin and moderation you could circle jerk your way into a “woman positive” or “woman friendly space” which would be the idea.
You really don’t see the benefit to a group of similar people to have a space focused on them, their wants and needs and daily lives? A community of people like them? It’s one of the most fundamental human desires.
That’s not what I said.
Most of the fediverse is male, and there’s a significant trans woman space, but there’s no spaces that really cater to cis women or to trans men specifically that I’ve seen.
And yes, I think it’s reasonable to look for a space that is strongly (though not exclusively) cis-woman, in the same way that a Protestant would feel out of place in a Catholic community, even though they’re all Christian. I imagine most cis women feel the same way as I (a cis man) feel when going to blahaj - like a friendly, allied visitor in a foreign land.
I can’t think of a single online space ever that has catered to trans men. It’s always infinitely easier to just act like a cis dude 99% of the time.
I guess there is Hudson’s Guide lol.
We have !WomensStuff@lazysoci.al
I’m on .ml, but I don’t engage in any Marxist-Leninist communities. So it doesn’t really matter on what instance you’re on.
This isn’t about recommending an instance but a community.
it’s called pinterest
Edit:
PS: Ok so it looks like people here are just as bad as redditors. I was answering the question in the Reddit caption of this post. Pinterest has been known to be an alternative to Reddit (as a link aggregator) which attracts women a lot more than men.
This is a KNOWN thing, check this 10 year old article from the people managing Pinterest stating as much
thestreet.com/…/why-pinterest-wants-more-men-and-…
Of course women are welcome here, there is no question about it. Does it matter if there is an instance for women? I don’t even know, I know women who love stereotypical male stuff and vice versa. I assume anyone, male, female or anything in the spectrum, can browse around and collate their favorite subs
Not funny, not ok. Women are just as welcome here as anyone else and your comment is exactly why they are asking. “It’s a joke” - nope don’t even. Be better than this.
it wasn’t a joke
pinterest is an link aggregator just like reddit and geared towards women
of course women are welcomed here, no clue how you get otherwise from my comment
…com.au/…/men-are-from-reddit-women-are-from-pint…
You’re the joke, got it, moving on.
Oh I see, you are just an idiot… go back to reddit please
Well…yes, it is a link aggregator, but have you ever used Pinterest? The uses for it vs reddit are wildly different…
Yes, I have. And the differences that you allude to are a huge part why women find it attractive, more so than men.
Pinterest itself have publicly stated this was not necessarily intentional and they wanted to bring more men to the platform.
I am more trying to argue that Pinterest and Reddit/lemmy are fundamentally different enough that they aren’t really interchangeable.
I personally use both, but, again, for wildly different purposes.
I agree, but at a higher level the analogy works… like a sports car vs a pickup truck vs a minivan. Very different but at the end of the day they are all vehicles and men tend to like one of those more than others, same as women (and no, I am not implying women like minivans… my wife forbade me from getting one when our kids were little and I had given up on a cool car for the convenience of one)
Well my argument is that they fall under a different analogy. Something like a car and wheelbarrow? They’re both used for transportation, sure, but they also have two distinct functions that don’t cancel each other out.
Sure but I’m not analysing the characteristics of both platforms; I eas just answerilg the question and it’s a fact that pinterest is the closest thing to reddit but more attractive to women
I honestly don’t understand why people seem upset by that
Your comment can be read in multiple ways
“It’s called pinterest. Go there instead. This site is not for you.”
or
“It’s called pinterest. This thing you are interested in already kind of exists. Just thought I would let you know.”
The people downvoting had the first interpretation, I assume.
Honestly, I really cannot stop people from making up things I did not write and tagging them along in their heads.
I was answering the question in the picture of this post:
The way I worded it “it’s called Pinterest” came from me thinking this was a well known thing which apparently is not for many lemmy users.
Check this article which is 10 years old, where Pinterest representatives acknowledge this demographic divide and want to correct it
thestreet.com/…/why-pinterest-wants-more-men-and-…
You need to calm down
You need to sit down and learn
Nah im ok
I don’t agree in this particular instance, but in general I think you’re right - all this shit is really getting to me. And I always appreciate a good call out. Going to touch some grass, hope everyone has a great day ✌️
The comments here make me very disappointed in our little corner of the internet. If anyone wants this but doesn’t know how, neither do I but I’d be happy help.
I am disappointed but not surprised. The attitude of men here reminds me a lot of default subs in Reddit. People tend to be more civil, but there is so much “but what about men?” when talking about women’s issues or belittling women still. Business as usual on the Internet, but I can see why it would cause women to avoid Lemmy.
I haven’t been back to Reddit, but it makes me miss the small niches where I didn’t see that as often.
womans only spaces (popping up because of male dominated spaces) do lead to male only spaces but who cares, ppl that want to be in those spaces can stay there idrc, they dont want my input I dont want theirs
Yeah, it’s natural to have spaces that aren’t for me. It’s fine. I really just have an issue with spaces where I am supposedly welcome to be hostile towards me.
I’ve said it many times before and I’ll say it again, gender relations here are worse than they were on reddit when I stopped using it.
I mean there’s like 3 women on lemmy, and 2 of em are trans. I don’t think there really ARE any gender relations here.
I think you’re underestimating how many women use the internet. They just don’t go swing that around much because of the harassment it tends to attract.
lemmy =/= the internet
Ignorant
i wonder if it’s not just worse on lemmy, but gotten worse over time, with the manosphere shit and all it’s relevant problems, neither feminism nor the manosphere, or traditional male gender role has really addressed this issue comprehensively, and we’re starting to see pushback from this issue in real life now, men are enrolling into college less than women, they do worse in most environments, and also are generally worse when it comes to mental health.
I wonder if we just need like a dedicated “social issues space” where people can talk about this stuff.
.
It’s a more niche “back room” kind of forum, so there are less casual browsers and more technerds here, which makes it predominantly male for a lot of reasons that require a whole other discussion to analyse, but it’s exactly like when reddit was a niche “back room” website gaining popularity.
Lets not forget when reddit started, it was absolute chaos, some of the very worst communities imaginable where at home there, and the userbase RAGED every time some pedo or hate sub got purged. But they did get purged, and it became welcoming for a more diverse group of users to participate in. (Until the bot nation attacked)
Call it out when you see it. Keep the bar nazi free.
I think there’s a few tutorials about how to set up your own lemmy instance. If so compelled; go for it! If you have any sort of IT background it’ll probably be pretty easy.
There’s !WomensStuff@lazysoci.al
Lemmy,blahaj,zone is run by Ada, who is a woman
Ahhh, now that explains a lot.
Like what?
I rememebered Blahaj people accusing Lemmy instances of being misogynists left & right without any evidence
& were censoring anyone, just because they asked for evidence.
And what’s the insinuation here, given that being told the instance admin is a woman your response was “That explains a lot”
The insinuation here is the instance behaves like a raging misandrist, nuff said.
I wish I could recommend blahaj, there are a lot of trolls in the space that the admins have successfully been guilted into supporting.
And terrible at adminning
I want there to be a witchesvspatreiarchy here, but I’m a dude and it’d be messed up if I started it.
There’s a couple of them, I think.
I found this one:
lemmy.ca/c/witchesvspatriarchy
Edit: Better link:
!witchesvspatriarchy@lemmy.ca
Thanks!
Thanks! I was looking for witchesvsTHEpatriarchy for some reason.
Subbed.
Honestly chuckled a bit after checking out the front page and pretty much all posts were about… men
But that (making fun of men) might just be the idea behind that subreddit and I’m looking at it wrong
EDIT: I dun goofed
Probably the “vs patriarchy” part
Probably should have googled the meaning of that word first
!witchesvspatriarchy@lemmy.ca
instance friendly link for those on other instances :)
Thanks!
Mod of that community here! Please come join the coven, we’re always welcoming like-minded people!
hexbear is heavily transfem and bans aggressively for misogyny/transphobia. Spending some time there when their recent domain crisis defederated from the rest of Lemmy was actually quite relaxing
unless you have an external opinion, in which case they fucking lynch you.
that external opinion is usually either bigotry or supporting US empire from my experience. Other Lemmy spaces are just as likely to ban for wrongthink ie: not being pro genocide or whatever war libs are supporting this time.
i’ve never seen a pro genocide lemmy instance, everytime i’ve argued against it i’ve been banned or moderated on, granted my instance isn’t pro genocide, so there’s that. But that seems to be a regular occurrence on lemmy in my experience.
I posted one thing on the one hexbear thread people used and immediately got banned lmao, what a terrible instance. I just ended up blocking the whole thing because why even bother at that point.
You are right, but a lot of people want to avoid politics.
Reddit is pretty pro-female, what is this riddiculous gaslighting ?
BTW, ALL of Lemmy+Mbin are pro-female as well.
opinion discarded
You are functioning well within your parameters, eventhough your software version is a bit outdated
Sorry I am not hip to the most recent lingo of the circles that call women females.
please don’t call women “females”
.
Look man, from a technical language point of view there is nothing whatsoever wrong with calling people ‘females’. However, by speaking to such people face-to-face you quickly learn that basically not one likes to be called that. The reasons are subtle, and frankly not very important. But the fact remains that calling people ‘females’ is now seen as a sign that you don’t understand or respect them - on the grounds that you are using a phrase that you’ve been asked not to use. Just say ‘women’ instead.
As if I didn’t know that right, but it didn’t stop you (not you in particular) “People” from assuming & attacking
I didn’t get technical on you - that’s kind of the point. But whatever; I was just trying to help with some context. Ignore if you like.
I appreciate the help
It’s fine. Call men “males”, too.
You already do that & much worse. So don’t pretend
Guilty as charged. What is my sentence for this crime?
bar yourself?
Go home & take a nap, you need it
You’ve gotten banned from four instances already for misogyny. I wonder how long before your own instance bans you.
Why did I get banned I wonder ? yes because I questioned them asked for evidence & they provided none
I linked my evidences & they were evading questions.
BTW, I blocked those instances as well. The real question you should ask is how long until your echo-chamber fades into obscurity.
Didn’t you mock ModLogs ?😂
Oh he should be very scared…
If they’re tired of getting hit on or oppressed all the time then the communities for women on Lemmy might not be an upgrade. /joke
Onlyfans
Edit: forgot the /s
I could be antifeminist, I try to fight feminism with arguments, but you are only a fucking idiot.
Instead you resort to insults!
Lemmy is aimed at pleasing all of humanity.
Asking for a women-centric flavor of any site is parallel to asking for a version with less men. If you’re implying there is a difference to the interests of both, I’d love to show you the Grey’s Anatomy sub.
I think there are differences in the interests of both. Can you explain your argument here, without super obscure references?
We just shouldn’t consider either gender’s interests as stereotypes. Also, if a community becomes one or the other “centric”, then on some level, it’s exclusionary.
You know that just because gender is a social construct, it doesn’t mean we should or even can just ignore it? You took step one on the awareness ladder but stopped before step two
i mean, i don’t see anything necessarily wrong with it though.
It’s like making a linux specific lemmy instance, or an anarchist focused lemmy instance (the one im on)
it might go against the principles of lemmy, but there’s nothing inherently wrong with it.
Neigh, Lemmy is aimed at pleasing all the world.
I am species blind. Asking for a species-centric flavor of any site is parallel to asking for a version with less horses. If you’re implying there is a difference to the interests of both, I’d love to show you equestrian sports.
There is literally nothing different between any species, gender, or even a rock. Women, Men. Heck 1 + 1 = 3. Everything is exactly the same. It’s a soup of protons. It’s all the same!
Youre absolutely welcome to join Blahaj zone. Our wonderful administration team (both of whom are women) bans misogyny whenever it comes around to our communities. The mods for our main communities share a very aggressive moderation policy.
They also ban real users instead of the people literally calling their gender “dragonfucker” and “attack helicopter”
There were a bunch of users who got angry about these users mocking gender expression and then when they told the trolls to fucking stop Ada banned them
The blahaj admins are trolls
I give Ada a lot of credit. In the early days, I had the following interaction:
Some of those professionally offended people took a misleading screenshot of my response and started screaming about “chasers”.
Ada did an admin post to the community backing me up and calling those idiots out.
So unless she’s changed a lot, I don’t think she’s a troll. It would have been easy to go with the mob but she stuck up for me.
Still could be TERFS.
I don’t have any deeper knowledge of that instance, just what I saw in all, so I don’t want to put anything on them. That thought just came across reading your comment.
I have made a mental remark in the past that the posts and users on this instance are better treated from afar, though.
It’s pretty harsh to just casually suggest that a person be a TERF without any specific evidence.
They also turn a blind eye to misandry.
You are part of the reason lemmy is unpopular with women.
If women have to be misandristic, then I’m quite happy to exclude bigots
Would you mind giving me some examples of the misandry? To see what you are talking about.
i dont understand, please explain further. if blahaj mods have ignored misandry, that would be a bad thing. hate is generally regarded as bad, and misandry is hatred of men. therefore, misandry should be generally regarded as bad.
That’s true on face value. The issue is that accusations of misandry are almost always unfounded, and only made as a way to deflect and to attack women. So when people start talking about misandry, that’s generally a red flag.
It’s similar to how “all lives matter” is definitely a true and good value - but yet it is almost always said as a way to divert support away from vulnerable groups. So although the literal meaning is good, it is fair to assume that people saying it do not have good intentions.
You are right, but what he is calling misandry is not misandry, and so many people like him think misandry is the bigger problem now.
Misandry is a huge problem in the space.
It’s why I couldn’t stand r/TwoXChromosomes anymore.
The amount of people saying we should “kill all men” without being banned is insane, if someone typed the opposite they would instantly get dogpiled and removed.
The blahaj admins have a record of supporting trolls and hateful people, just as long as they use the “right” language.
I feel like the whole supporting trolls thing is overblown.
They said that you should still use someone’s pronouns, even if they are trolling, because it sets the precedent that its okay to ignore someone’s pronoun preference.
Unless there is more that I missed.
This account was banned on the day they posted the announcement because I had the gall to say that I would not respect the users who used Neopronouns as a joke to invalidate real gender identities. (Dragonfucker and their friends who also showed up to do this)
Ada insta banned me and all the dissenters from the instance, then she stalked some of us on other instances and messeged their admins to get us banned from those if we posted about what happened.
She banned enough users that it affected the 196 community , and the flood of messages from their users who couldn’t access 196 anymore is what caused moss to move it to .world in protest.
They’re hoping we all just forget and go away. But that place felt like my home after I left reddit, and now I see it’s a malicious cess pool of people who want to hurt others like they were hurt, and now I’m a target, I’m an acceptable “other” to hate for dopamine.
i mean, if they’re doing it as a haha funny, i see no harm, but if they’re also being assholes, i think that takes precedent. You aren’t legally required to fill in your gender tagging appropriately so.
They are an asshole though, a serial pot stirring drama seeking troll that gets people banned for reacting to their ragebait. Yeah I identify as a refurbished ebike and you must relearn English to refer to me, and you only rather not because you agree with literal genocide. Funny!
lmao good meme, sounds like a mess ngl.
I haven’t seen the attack helicopter and the joke is pretty damn old tbh, but drag at least is/was kinda funny. Drag’s profile specified that drag’s pronoun is “drag” in not just third, but also first and second person, which is an interesting concept. Drag also stayed in character in drag’s posts. Drag didn’t ever really bother people with the whole thing IMO.
.
yeah, it’s a dead beat joke, it’s come around to the point now where you can do it ironically and nobody cares. Though i guess you could still just be an asshole at that point lmao.
The pronoun was just “drag”. PJ is the one who kept calling them “dragonfucker”. You can go read dragonriders comments instead of just repeating gossip.
They are a troll and you are enabling them to harrass your community.
They were already banned for other trolling behavior, just not because they used neopronouns. Please get an actual bearing on reality.
Sorry I’m not allowed to use that space because I called a troll a troll before the Admins felt like doing their fucking jobs.
I’m not going back now, blahaj is a cess pool controlled by trolls.
<img alt="" src="https://slrpnk.net/pictrs/image/00030e89-5c51-4f7d-9532-ff90596f8a0d.png">
They imply the fucker part themselves, it’s part of their troll
also our wonderful admin kaity did what the lemmy devs couldn’t and nuked the dm spam :)
It really seems like instance admins tend to do a much better job with a lot of stuff on here than the core devs. Its a shame that forking would take as much work as it would.
well some of the devs are too busy arguing over which authoritarian boot tastes the best, all under the guide of leftism, so yeah I imagine the bar isn’t exactly high
Probably the … fourth-worst well known instance. Idk if that’s a good suggestion.
Pfft, I’d say overly aggressive to a fault. It’s not a good thing when they’re banning people for a passing comment where the worst offence is “gatekeeping” rather than something that matters.
As much as I appreciate the community and users, there are (or at least were) serious moderation problems on Blahaj, I did not feel safe there when I tried it a year or two ago.
I definitely cannot agree. I encourage anyone who has any issues with moderation to make a post in the Blahaj meta community. Ada and Kaity have been spectacular and have responded to every issue I have come across. There are limits, they can’t preemptively prevent any kind of moderation issue but they respond quickly.
Lemmy has an undeniable woman problem that it carried over from Reddit. I’ve lost count of the number of pathetic blokes that I have blocked on here for anti feminism.
EDIT: Look at the responses to this comment for the proof.
100%
It’s really bad and lemmy is really in denial.
Sexism here is much worse than it was on Reddit.
It feels like 2008 Reddit here sexism wise, except instead of Ron Paul libertarians tooting their horns everywhere we have heavy tracked vehicle enthusiasts.
I did hope lemmy having a left leaning culture would help but it does not.
Try making any post that focuses on situations uniquely or disproportionally experienced by women and you get mostly “everyone has that why think about women” or “what about men” or “men have it worst” responses.
that’s kind of just how controversial things are on the internet though.
Evens shitposting from men will get similar responses from women, it’s just how it is now. Sort of always has been.
THIS. EXACTY THIS RIGHT HERE. THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT I MEAN.
Me: talks about issue disproportionately affecting women.
Lemmy User: It’s not really about women. Everyone suffers from this.
I bet you can take any situation and make yourself a victim
Stttooooppp you’re giving me old school internet sexism nostalgia. 😂 That 2008 energy.
Do you miss halo 3 lobbies too?
Mhm i knew it haha
Lmao look at that douchebag’s comment history. Its arguably worse that than comment itself. God I wish there was a male loneliness epidemic because these fuckers stopped talking.
oh no funny man on the internet yaps a lot about things.
I come here for sociological research more than anything.
I seriously doubt you know what the word research means.
i seriously doubt you have any concrete view of politics or sociology to begin with.
.
yeah bro, it’s the internet, everybody has opinions.
“yeah so actually i think this is a big problem”
“yeah evidently it must be a problem, but like, this has always been a problem, and seems to be a consistent problem”
“YOU’RE LITERALLY THE PROBLEM!!!”
also to be clear, you are literally straw-manning me here, i’m not saying that “men have to suffer with women having an opinions” nobody cares, it is what it is, i think it’s interesting actually. You’re the one arguing that because people discuss topics that they find personally relevant is somehow “oppressing women”
I’m not saying you shouldn’t shitpost about that stuff in shitpost threads, by all means do, there’s interesting dialogue in it. I’m just saying this is a common occurrence anywhere on the internet, for any community. Hell go find a community for something as mundane as lego, you’ll find the same shit there.
Not everybody NEEDS to have their own specific issue that specifically effects them for it to be a valid or real problem. I just think this issue is far broader than most people expect it to be, ironically, i could argue you’re literally behaving the exact same way you claim i am. Because you are, and that’s exactly what’s happening.
Do i care? No, i don’t it’s the internet do whatever you want.
Yep. Picking the bear.
what if im the bear?
Nah but have you ever considered that the reason that you think that there is a male loneliness epidemic is because nobody wants to hang out with insufferable misogynists?
no, i don’t think that’s a reasonable answer, because you’re doing the fascist thing of “these people are wrong they need to change, and if they don’t we can justify whatever shitty behavior we want, because we’re morally superior”
It’s not dissimilar to a lot of nazi rhetoric.
I think the problem ultimately stems from a disconnect in social development through out society. Feminism has pushed women forward, successfully in a lot of ways, but it has also pulled men back, in a lot of ways, that’s not necessarily bad, but there is now a void there, and there is nothing filling it in, that’s why the manosphere got so big so fast. It’s literally capitalizing on an empty market.
If you want to solve the manosphere, the solution is simple, we need to fill in the void, and fix this disconnect that’s been happening for probably 75 years now. How we go about that is complicated, and not particularly simple, but i think it’s pretty clearly evident that the problem is aimless/directionless guidance for men especially in the last 20 years. Paired with historically contradictory ideas of manhood. Men are supposed to be strong and protect the weak, but it’s hard to do that when they don’t want it, or need it.
Once this void is filled in, this shit stops happening, simple as.
<img alt="" src="https://lemmy.blahaj.zone/pictrs/image/b7d3c28a-99f4-4c4c-af48-d2e8e6b74960.webp">
a picture of (not me) because i don’t approach women in the club. Because i don’t go clubbing.
Shit’s weird, i’m staying home, no thanks.
Good meme though.
You are extremely dense. It is 100% you in that picture because that is the way your bumbling, rambling posts read like.
Oh yea? One time I got kicked in the balls and it kinda hurt. Women have it soooo easy.
Alas I have been shown to be wrong! If not for my womanly ways I would have been the wiser!
you mean the comments that have been downvoted to the bottom?
But the fact that the majority (or perhaps less than half now) of the responses literally prove the point I am trying to make proves my point downvotes or not.
You have to remember the people who would literally unironically make such a post that proves my post are the densest of the dense.
Most sexists, while dense, are less dense than a black hole and would not prove my point for me under such a post.
Some instances have a left-leaning culture. Lemmy.world definitively does not.
I mean if you use the Marxist/Leninist definition of left then obviously not. But I mean left leaning in terms of the societal understanding.
yep it’s pretty horrible. any time gender issues are brought up there’s dozens of comments saying “what about the men” and completely missing the point
What about the me
You can’t spell me with me.
wat
Get in the robot, Shinji
.
As a guy, I do recognise that men are disadvantaged in many areas and need to be put on equal footing with women-- like courts disproportionately award custody of children to mothers, regardless of how unfit the mother is to be a caregiver. But broadly speaking from my pespective, women are still at more disadvantage. I used to live in a bad part of my city for many years and have had little to no issues. However, it is a different story from women I spoke who got harrased, and another hit on the head. They said they will avoid going to the city ever again. I remember sharing the accounts of these women to other men, and the men were surprised because their experience is the complete opposite. Women are still seen as weak. And in the corporate hierarchy, men (of tall statures) disproportionately make up the board of directors and executive roles.
yep. the difference is, when women have been disadvantaged they tend to create spaces and pathways to talk about or change it. unfortunately a lot of men tend to isolate, even though they are not alone. then when they see something about a women receiving help through programs created by women for women their feelings of being abandoned by the system come up again. it’s just another way that toxic masculinity hurts everyone. the fix for that is of course feminism, but it’s a pretty massive barrier for most men to accept that.
Men don’t always isolate by choice. There’s a large cultural aversion to creating and sustaining male-only spaces, and that aversion comes from all sectors.
Every college campus has a women’s club but if you try making a men’s club you’ll probably get reprimanded.
every college campus has men’s clubs theyre called fraternities
You know that’s not what I’m talking about.
then I guess I’m not sure what you’re really talking about then.
it goes back to my original point though. if you feel there should be those spaces, no one is stopping you from making them. there were a few subreddits I used to browse (maybe it was mensrights or menslib or something similar) that was super respectful and held genuinely helpful and important conversations about the issues men face. trust me, absolutely no one will stop you from making those spaces. if those spaces you’re trying to create aren’t respectful, then yes I imagine people might not like that.
Menslib always felt like a containment sub.
I was referring to IRL safe spaces and support groups.
Making men’s spaces online specifically has the dual problem of being attacked by both misogynists and radical feminists. It’s a lot of work and a lot of hate to deal with, so they don’t pop up a lot. But yes, they do exist, there’s a semi-active menslib community on lemmy for example. I think that one veers way too heavily into the “us men are really awful aren’t we?” feminist takes, personally; the reddit one was a lot better.
yeah, thats the problem. The only mens places are altright infested shit holes. Its liftest mens places that are discouraged.
The court thing is not universally true. I worked in a family law firm for several years, and the practice in the courts here is to start from a baseline of equal custody and placement, and I’ve heard the same about other states. The men who lost out were the ones who wouldn’t fight, because they were convinced that the courts were biased. But hell, in one case, we got full custody and placement for a guy whose son wasn’t even biologically his! (His wife cheated, and he didn’t find out until well after they’d emotionally bonded.)
Man, I have been in SO MANY internet arguments where I am simultaneously arguing against a woman that yes, men have problems, while also arguing against a man that no, those problems are not worse on the whole than women have.
Back when the whole “bear in the woods” thing was going around misogynists would try to jump in and support me.
Woman: “all men are rapists”
Me: “that’s insulting and hurtful and misandrist, and also not even close to true”
Misogynist: “Yeah! And also women are heartless bitches!”
Me: “I don’t remember asking YOU a goddamn thing”
no one is saying all men are rapists. what they are saying is that the statistics are great enough that women have to be on edge around all men. I wish you would take the passion you have for arguing against a generalization and devote it towards making sure the men around you aren’t part of the issue. I say that as a trans women who has seen the issue from both sides. I understand where you’re coming from, truly, but having been socialized male I saw that every man has chances to change the people around them and 99.9% fail to do so.
Well, what do you want done?
You know that’s not true.
Proceeds to say ALMOST all men to the level that ALL women are afraid of them.
you wouldn’t argue if I said all bears are dangerous, even if some will walk right up to you and let you feed them from your hand. again, you should take your anger at this turn of phrase and devote it to something that actually helps your cause.
and for the love of god, it might be time to analyze where you’re getting the news from. if you actually believe the fox news ass all men are rapists line then I dont know what to tell you, your critical thinking might just be fried.
I heard that first-hand from women on this site.
Yeah no shit, that’s the point.
What about them
The response to “what about men” comments is, we’re already talking about men when we talk about misogyny. Misandry and misogyny are the exact same problem, strictly enforced gender roles. If you deviate, you are punished. The men that are caregivers are derided just like the women that refuse to rear children. Every other related paradigm punches down into the people who do not conform. Stoicism in men, histrionics in women.
Either is a foil for the other and it’s exactly the same bullshit.
xkcd.com/322/
Why you want to create division?
Why would this be division?
Oh, read the title.
“Are there any Lemmy/Mbin instances by women for women?”
Where is the division?
lol just change it for other noun
You see the problem here?
Okay now lets change it again.
“Are there any Lemmy communities FOR rape survivors and by rape survivors?”
And someone says “Well why do you want to create division? Shouldn’t rapists also have a chance to share their side?”
I’m not saying this is a realistic “turn the tables” but neither is yours. I will explain why.
Right now, despite whatever stupid fucking propaganda a select few assholes are hung up on, there are no systemic attacks happening on white people just for being white. At least none of any value or meaning. No, fringe groups don’t count because they don’t have power and never will have power in this system. However there ARE in fact many white-nationalist groups that ARE gaining power and voice, and attempting to return to an old hegemonic ideal of race. This isn’t a “that’s not fair!” issue, this is an issue about our very future as a diverse species sharing a world together.
I don’t think there should be ANY exclusionary spaces, but I do think there should be well-moderated spaces for people of similar ideas or demographics to share thoughts without being attacked for their identity. There should be spaces where people know they will be ejected for trying to sabotage the conversations.
Division and segregation hurts all of us, and if we want to fight it, we have to fight the fuckers who drive people to want to escape, we have to fight the trolls and monsters and bullies and nazis who make people feel afraid. Those are the ones trying to divide us, and those are the ones we shouldn’t be giving voice to.
I completely agree with you.
White people are just frustrated equality means feeling burdens, pains, and other things equally. By all carrying a little, you can carry a whole lot. However, I’ve learned it comes from a place of comfort. They think the world around them is sound, that rules exist and structure permeates. They are but babies to reality. Even the christians among them do not understand the misery and suffering the bible speaks of.
Those that propagate these lies, they witness not injustices but a system they can exploit. They are the demons that keep us awake at night and fearing our safety.
Our species has a lot more vulnerabilities in our minds and hearts than we really want to admit to even ourselves… but there are wicked people who do know about them, and they will try everything to pry those vulnerabilities open and make us feel things so our brains latch onto stories to explain those feelings.
We have to be constantly wary of anyone who says things that make us feel powerful emotions, no matter who or where, this our future battleground. The next world-war will be waged internally.
(And with missiles too of course.)
It makes me happy that you too fear. It feels like maybe I am not alone in carrying all this pain, that it is worth continuing. That I feel the burden for people who truly want to see love and kindness proliferate.
This is a really, really scary time right now, if there was ever a time to know a general, baseline level of fear, it would be now. We’re entering a world where it’s really hard to tell what’s real, but we’re a population of creatures with brains designed by the last Ice Age and as a result, all our brains do is tell stories to make explanations for how we feel.
These brains are woefully inadequate for relating to a world with several huge, complicated issues intersecting, from technology/AI, to climate change, to political instability and misinformation.
I’ve been around a few, I’m getting up there in years. And I have NEVER seen a world more lost and confused and embattled in issues we’re incapable of sorting out as individuals. And it’s all going to get so much worse before it gets better.
Yah, you’re not alone, but you also can’t sit on your hands. Seriously, save money, put dry or preserved food away, bury some cash or gold. Learn to cook and shoot, get your passport updated, have a go-bag.
Within the next 10 - 20 years we’re going to have a global instability like we’ve never seen. Half of all animals will be facing potential endangerment, oceans will have a harder and harder time sustaining yields and the fresh-water problem is going to be a full-on emergency in many places. And on top of all this, we will have dictators and little tyrants throwing missiles at each other left and right, old alliances will crumble, wars will stack on wars, and machines will start thinking like people and controlling our weapons and our world. I have no idea what’s going to happen but I want everyone to be ready. America in particular hasn’t known the hardships of forced migration and famine and war and artillery barrages, so people here are going to have a hard time adjusting to how tough things may get.
Already on it. Saving spools of wick too because, sadly I fear a worse timeline than that of America.
You see my brother, he died years ago. Homeless, been everywhere here and there. Bipolar and bottom of the barrel. It hurts to say this but it is truthful.
He told my mom 3 things that have stuck with me. 1. I am her compensation for all her suffering. 2. He was sent by god. 3. His old gang was being wiped out, his time was coming.
I called him deluded by some undiagnosed condition.
Now here I am. Just scared because I followed my heart and it led me here too. I wanted a peaceful life, but I have knowledge if not for people, but for the new life humanity is birthing.
2 millennia of history, it is hard to catch up.
We’re in free-fall right now, but kind of like the market when a recession begins, we don’t see it until it’s in hindsight. But right now it’s already in full swing, whatever people meant about the “singularity” it’s already happening, because we have no idea what’s going to happen next, predictive models are toast. We used to be able to predict the future out to the decade with ideas about politics, technology and society being extrapolated with fairly good accuracy.
We can’t predict what’s going to happen next month now. Even our so-called leadership has just abandoned all semblance of control and appearances of normalcy and are just trying to get as much as they can as fast as they can before it all collapses.
I don’t think we’re going to lose everything. We’re going to have some hardships and a LOT of people are going to suffer. And likely there will be deaths at a scale that grows so steadily and so long-term that we’re all going to collectively tune out the news. Again. I just don’t know what’s going to be built on the other side. It will either be solar panels and servers and robot factories, or it will be death machines and tools of darkness. (And server farms and robot factories, but meant for like… mulching brown people who still have oil and water.)
I agree up to a certain point. You say moderation I say censorship.
Sounds racist. You see the problem?
So you think I’m white? Lol…
Where’s the division? It starts and ends with the “…for women” part.
By women, sure that’s not divisive at all but if something is being set up specifically for one gender it’s inherently divisive.
Don’t get me wrong, I understand why women would want it, but at the same time describing it as non-divisive doesn’t work.
Ah give me a break. Can’t there be something that is designed specifically for women without you feeling excluded? Nobody says that you aren’t allowed to participate.
Why are you making it personal about me? I don’t give a damn what you do. Did you see the part of my last comment where I said that I can understand why women would want it?
You asked a question, I provided an answer. It is inherently divisive by definition, and that’s completely fine. Pull your head out.
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I haven’t written anything about excluding other genders. It’s only about a women centric place with additional moderation protection and administration and moderation by women (and yes, these can also be trans women or even men admins and mods if the group decides so).
But why excluding men or anybody else from participating, as long as they stay on topic?
Having a space for women by women isn’t division. It’s about creating a safe space.
What structural issues?
Isn’t this normal human behavior? Still doesn’t mean that people are enemies because of splitting into different groups.
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It’s not division. It’s federation, what the Fediverse is for.
Well, there are Feds that ban other Feds, I mean you are free to do so, but it’s division…
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Lol you’re a dumbass.
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Ask the people who deliberately work to make shared spaces uncomfortable for particular groups of people.
What does that even mean? What kind of spaces and how you are supposed to be uncomfortable?
I can’t tell if your question is in good faith or not because of how awkwardly it’s worded, but if you’re asking how women can feel uncomfortable online, you’re obviously not a woman, so enjoy that I guess.
I can’t imagine and no one explains. If my words are weird, yours are buzzing my brain also…
Have you ever really talked to women who use online spaces a lot? Like a real conversation, face-to-face or in person. Serious question.
edit: the soft chirping of distant crickets provide me all the answers I need.
Just with I sleep with and occasionally work or study partners. Maybe on online games but it’s hardly ever…
There are a lot of things you probably aren’t even aware of that are normal for women, I would really encourage you to broaden your social sphere and make friends of other genders and backgrounds and listen to what other people deal with.
You probably don’t even know how much harassment and threats you would face just being a woman online, it’s not exaggerated, there are a LOT of people who really enjoy making women feel unsafe, it’s a game to them. Most girls I know hide their identities online and pretend to be men. Imagine not being able to express yourself freely even on the internet because you don’t want to feel unsafe or hated.
For example? tbh I don’t even put pictures of myself on the internet, I don’t like that kind of social interaction. I am trying to understand but it’s pretty hard. Harrassment like what, threats like what? Feel unsafe in what sense? I am not getting solid examples I can’t understand.
I am not a woman but I have many female friends and family members and a partner who talk about the things they deal with, so let me give a few examples of things you may deal with as a woman online or off, in increasing levels of severity and threat level:
There are a lot of social “rules” that women have to deal with, and a lot of men aren’t even aware of them. Like how they never leave drinks unattended when out with friends. When being dropped off at their house, they ask the driver to wait until they get all the way inside with the door closed before the driver leaves.
I often hesitate to give these kinds of examples because invariably there will be someone who claims it’s all lies or exaggerated, or they dismiss it and say “I wish I got that kind of attention online!” and other mind-meltingly dense, stupid or aggressive takes. This is why I asked if you have talked to real women you know about their experiences, because they don’t talk about this stuff, particularly online to people they aren’t close to. As soon as you get close to any women you learn exactly how much sexual predation they endure their whole lives and yeah, they do “get used it” in that they don’t go around telling everyone about every interaction. 1 out of 5 women are raped or have been assaulted/attempted rape. Of these victims, 1 out of 3 had it happen between ages of 11 and 17.
Most women who are murdered are murdered by a spouse, boyfriend, acquaintance or someone who met them once or twice.
Women have very good reason to feel afraid of strangers, online or off, if you’re actually interested in learning more and reading actual examples there is a WEALTH of information online and plenty of women’s stories on major forums, from Lemmy to Reddit to twitter threads.
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It’s the sexist comments, boomer humor, male-centric views, the mansplaining, the chauvinism, the micro-aggressions, lack of empathy from a lack of perspective, the oversimplification without nuance, etc. All that generally makes women uncomfortable and sometimes it’s a bit much. Sometimes you want to forget those exist and focus on what matters to you with like-minded people.
It’s the same for us gay folks. I know I can’t just bring up whatever gay topic in a straight group where not everyone can relate, offer their first hand experience, or might find it weird because it’s not part of their lives.
Trying to concentrate similar people to discuss common topics is, at the very worst, a constructive division.
You say minimizing, I say maximizing. If you don’t have strong and solid arguments you can’t ask for safe places, what the hell is a safe place to start with…
This is not about arguments, bro. Or which ones do you mean? And safe spaces are meant to be non-confrontational. You can disagree, but you do it respectfully, without smug attitudes.
This is confrontation also, it seems for you debating could be confrontational? It’s a debate lol…
Women need a space to communicate with other women, men can’t completely understand the unique experience, challenges and culture women have within literally every culture and sometimes we need only those who understand to listen. Men, be an ally to women and shut up, let them have a safe space without your intrusion.
Yeah, not buying that.
There’s a Midwest focused instance and I wouldn’t call that division. They’re not trying to exclude East and west coasters. They don’t hate southerners. It’s just similar people gathering to talk about the things they have in common, which in this instance are midwesterner things. It’s the same for women. It’d be nice to have a place to talk about things that women have in common and experience that men don’t. If it was anything like the 2XChromosomes subreddit then men wouldn’t be banned, and plenty of men comment, it’s just that the topic of conversation focuses on women and women’s experiences. Having a place for people, especially women, to talk about women’s issues and experiences isn’t anymore divisive than having a midwestern instance or a European instance. And it would be a good place for men to look into to learn more about what life is like as a woman. If men feel they don’t have a place to talk about men’s problems, then they should also make an instance specifically for talking about men’s experiences
I agree, but you shall not criticize if men want to do that. You don’t have the right also. The problem is there is a lot of people that does the same…
Because of you.
Create one!
Not a woman.
Become one /j
Speaking in general: Creating communities/instances is easy. Moderating them is hard.
In particular: I would love to create women’s spaces. But then I’d have to be on the lookout for the Knights of the True Fedora. They’re out there. Somewhere. Now now, I’m not suggesting it’d be a daily problem! …But the actual daily problems (regular spam and whatnot) would suck too.
I’m in charge of !WomensStuff@lazysoci.al I’ve got to say the vast majority of men have been fantastically supportive! Odd comment and spite downvote but it’s manageable
Be the change you wish to see in the world.
It really comes down to this: if you want your own space for particular interests, you should create one and find likeminded people to populate it. Just waiting for it to magically appear isn’t going to work. Be assertive.
This was just a post to see if there already is something like described
The femcel channel need more people if you like that type of humor
Can somebody explain to me a thing about anti-feminism: as a 99.5% cishet standard regular manly man man, even from an extremely cold, selfish, objective, all-for-me approach I cannot understand what I stand to gain by this. What’s the point?
Nothing. The only people that gain anything from strict gender roles are the rich, and they use them to create disparities and depress wages.
Yep - It really is divide and conquer by the rich. Look at ‘the culture wars’, they will stoke anything to high hell if it gets poor people to stupidly discriminate and fight each other.
It’s a very sectorized movement that fight only for their interests. It’s also a platform for future political figures. Maybe feminism has more sense the past century, but these days I don’t know what their goals are. They say equity yet they ask government for positive discrimination in order to enter to jobs (in my country that is called positive discrimination, the funny thing is that I declared non-binary (?) and I am automatically with more points than straight xD). Yet there exists some violence, for example sexual harrasement, but how you control a fucking degenerate loser? Maybe police? The other things I’m not buying it. You aren’t earning less than men, if that was the case companies only hire women, I would do that. Not enough women in leadership? but I think leadership is a singular quality, a personal quality, not everyone can be a leader. I don’t even get what are microaggressions, are you sure you are not oversensitive? Mansplaining, so I can’t be a teacher because I am a man and I am explaining concepts? wot? I am not buying that sht.
The weaker and more dependent from a man a woman is, the less likely she will have her own opinions, desires or plans, and less likely she will be to leave the insecure men who want this.
The complaints that I’ve heard (from previous co-workers) are that feminism was fine until sometime around the late 2000’s, but around that time it morphed into something that was anti-men.
For the most part, there’s a lot of sour grapes perspectives - a lot of my previous co-workers are anywhere from centrist to conservative. I’ve heard the selective service registration mentioned in the past, and to an extent I agree with complaint perspective on the selective service thing, but that’s about it.
Even if not, you can create one :3
I’m not a woman
Even if not, you can become one :3
I’m not an entity
almost all the subs that “are women” are basically astroturfed by men, or some of them are male users posting as a “woman”
Community wise we have !WomensStuff@lazysoci.al its a women only community by women for women.