Hi gamers of Lemmy. Lemm.ee is ending, and perhaps I’ll start a new account on another server, but I wanted to write this before I go - as a sort of Swan Song, as it were.

I’m a fairly long time gamer, right back from Repton and Chuckie Egg, through Civ, Lemmings, Myst, Age of Empires, Wesnoth, Skyrim, Endless Sky and, most recently, Baldur’s Gate 3. I have Chronic Fatigue Syndrome - not as badly as some, but nightmare enough, and sprinkled with some measure of ADHD and Autism: so, besides being a lot of fun, the games have helped me as the way I can switch off, zone out from the pain of my body and the restlessness of life, and actually get some rest… of sorts.

But the last year or so I’ve been realising they’re causing me problem too. Not something I wanted to admit! So this is the story of me ending my gaming addiction. The concept will be unpopular here I guess, but I hope it will help some. It was, after all, many posts (mostly on Reddit) from people coming off other addictions that really helped me see parallels with how games are to me.

So as not to be too boring, let me retell in bullet points.

• Games are essential for getting… I call it ‘emotional energy’ back. And physical energy too, else I might just be pacing and thinking, unable to stop.
• But, especially as I got a bit older, tiring on my eyes, and mentally. Also more physically tiring than if I could (if ever I could!) just lie back and rest.
• I’ve discovered that more of the ‘rejuvenation’ I’d get is an illusion too. The gaming blots out the stress (yet sometimes makes its own far worse!) but really I’d be more restless after, than if I’d managed to let go without the games.
• But again, I can’t let go without the games! So I gave up trying - until realising how much my ‘need’ for games follows the addictive patterns, so (uncomfortably) I started to wonder…

I also realise I’m giving a lot of time to games that, if only I could manage my time better I could give to much more worthwhile things, like helping people out in the world. So a month ago a few life circumstances came together, and I’ve signed up for a new education course. Rather than cope with all the new stresses of that at the same time as possible gaming withdrawal symptoms, I figured I’d give up the games completely, a month early. (And doomscrolling too, but that’s proving harder… proving it’s also addictive to me more than I wanted to admit!)

• I weaned off for a few weeks, unintentionally, and just recently started fully.
• Sometimes it’s awful not being able to relax with a game (or five… or ten… or even one) after a particularly hard few days. But even then I might be making life harder out the other side, besides interrupting the detox.
• I’ve found I have more energy. I’m a kinder, more helpful person, especially partner and father, because though I’m still so tired, there’s time opening up where I didn’t think I had energy, but without the games soaking up the dregs there’s some left.
• In fact, I can apply more energy than I thought I had, without burning out, though it hurts sometimes. Turns out the games frequently exacerbated burn out before relieving it.
• And I’m more emotionally reliable. Just on occasion, boy am I grumpy if I needed a rest but I’m interrupted from a game, especially if I was losing! Now I’m safer to approach. (I’d like not to be interrupted even so! But especially I’d like not to snap at people if I am.)

I really don’t want to be against games. Especially when I was blamed so much - unjustly, I think; explicitly and implicitly - when I was younger for gaming. But having had this experience, which looks set to be a key part of a huge changearound in my life, I hope for some of you it might help too.

To close, my greatest trick.

• I lie back in my bed, and tell myself, "I don’t need the dopamine hit."
• Often enough now, it works. I relax. Quite often I even fall asleep, which I almost never used to be able to do in the daytime. Dull, I know. But afterwards it means I can do the things that really matter to me.
• The compulsion lets go. My head physically relaxes. Somehow, I don’t really want the game any more - which I find quite disappointing, but I remind myself it’s for something better. Either I sleep or, in a bit, I get up, and I do some work - when otherwise I’d have gamed a while, then found I need another rest, and finally decided that’s enough work for one day and I’ll try again tomorrow. (Chronic Fatigue is a beast! It still is.)

And (to double-close?) I find a similar mind-trick is helping me get going with work. (At least it feels similar in my head.) Somehow I can start a bit of work that I can’t face; but I can sit down and relax and try, and it works much more than I’d have dared expected in the past.

• But not, I may add, with such reliable results if I’ve just had that one game first before getting started. Oh, I wish! But that’s how it is

… for me. YMMV.

Regards,

An Innocent Bystander

#gaming