tell me honestly, what sounds better doctor of the universe, or master of the universe

That’s usually the case in the US as well. I think Mr. Weinersmith just took some creative liberties for the sake of the joke.

In Ireland you can be invited straight to PhD. The whole process takes just as long though, and there isn’t a guarantee you’ll be awarded anything if not completed.

In Anglophone countries there are usually other pathways. In Aotearoa/New Zealand, for example, it’s normal to start a PhD with a master’s, but you can also do it with a BSc(Hons) or “honours” degree, which is a one year programme added on to the end of a bachelors. It’s roughly half graduate courses and half research for a small dissertation. A real master’s degree there is a bit more intense than it would usually be in Germany, and would usually involve half a year of graduate courses and a year and a half of independent research for a thesis to be examined by independent examiners. It should really contain some novel work, even if it’s just replicating, comparing and synthesizing existing techniques from the field. Often if people want to quit their PhD program halfway, they are given the opportunity to write up what they have into a thesis and submit it for a master’s, and that does roughly correspond with the work they have already done.

In Brazil it’s the same. Get your masters first (3-4 years) then go for PhD (4-?) then if you’re really crazy unemployed go for post PhD.