Bumble's new CEO is already leaving the company months after killing its signature feature (fortune.com)
from Cool_Name@lemm.ee to technology@lemmy.world on 18 Jan 01:19
https://lemm.ee/post/52898629

#technology

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Ilovethebomb@lemm.ee on 18 Jan 02:13 next collapse

There’s a big problem with the “women message first” gimmick, and it’s that they just don’t.

If they don’t simply let the match expire, you either get a shitty Gif, or something along the lines of “hey.”

Maybe one in ten will actually send a message that genuinely starts a conversation.

Deceptichum@quokk.au on 18 Jan 03:28 next collapse

I literally saw so many profiles being like “I don’t message first”, like do you even understand what the app you’ve signed up for is?

Ilovethebomb@lemm.ee on 18 Jan 03:45 next collapse

I always wondered if they realised we actually can’t send the first message.

kitnaht@lemmy.world on 18 Jan 06:54 collapse

Well, men CAN message first, as of like 8 months ago.

Ilovethebomb@lemm.ee on 18 Jan 09:14 next collapse

I did hear about that.

fuck_u_spez_in_particular@lemmy.world on 19 Jan 12:01 collapse

Great, so I can just use any other dating app now, and don’t need Bumble anymore? What kind of genius move it is to kill the signature feature. But oh well the person responsible already left…

Fredselfish@lemmy.world on 18 Jan 03:34 next collapse

Yeah I can see how women message first will tank a dating app. That fucking stupid. I get it that women get bombarded with messages from guys on dating apps. But guess what all the time I used the apps 0% was I ever messaged by a woman.

Women don’t chase men because they don’t have too. I knew several women I help set up their dating profiles. They would get a 1000 hits, mostly guys says “hey” or the worse be :hey baby".

How I realize just how easy and why I never had problems with dating apps. You got to give a woman more then hey and calling them baby is just cringe. Then you get the guys straight up asking for sex or nudes. Anyways point is having the app where the men can’t make a move unless the women contact you? Will not work wtf was she thinking?

Hell most of them like to just scroll, none of them were interested in making the first move.

Ulrich@feddit.org on 18 Jan 07:02 next collapse

having the app where the men can’t make a move unless the women contact you? Will not work wtf was she thinking?

I mean, it did work though. It was one of the top dating apps for a long time.

Ilovethebomb@lemm.ee on 18 Jan 10:19 next collapse

Work as in actually help meet people? Not really.

magic_lobster_party@fedia.io on 18 Jan 13:52 collapse

As a man who’s struggling with dating, Bumble has always been more effective for me than Tinder

dai@lemmy.world on 18 Jan 17:02 collapse

Agreed. When I was playing that game Bumble for me was a much more effective platform. Tinder is horrible, just a cesspool of low moral high ego monkeys.

Admittedly my marriage started from a one night stand / hookup at a bar with someone visiting from 400km away, so these apps never paid off in the long term for me.

Fredselfish@lemmy.world on 18 Jan 12:12 collapse

Huh the app lost 53% of stock price so no whatsoever she was doing didn’t work why they fired her ass.

Butterpaderp@lemmy.world on 18 Jan 13:42 next collapse

What she was doing was making it so men can message first…

Ulrich@feddit.org on 18 Jan 14:40 next collapse

Maybe you missed the headline where this was a new CEO that killed their only unique feature…or the fact that I used the past tense in the comment you replied to.

GamingChairModel@lemmy.world on 18 Jan 16:41 collapse

whatsoever she was doing didn’t work why they fired her ass.

You’re contradicting yourself, because you didn’t understand (or didn’t read) the article.

Bumble was a platform where only women could message first. It was a leading platform for a while. This CEO changed that to be a more conventional system where men could message first. After that change, the user base dwindled and the stock tanked, as you noted.

In other words, they were much more successful as a woman-message-first platform.

Fredselfish@lemmy.world on 18 Jan 16:45 collapse

I see never used Bumble, well are they changing it back? What other features does it hold? Is like all the rest now were you swipe left or right? I used OKCUPID back when you had to put thought into your profile. And the longer the better.

bravesirrbn@lemmy.world on 18 Jan 09:34 next collapse

You literally listed a bunch of reasons why men shouldn’t be allowed to message first

jonathan@lemmy.zip on 18 Jan 09:42 next collapse

I’m not that conventionally attractive and Bumble worked great for me in my late 30s. People on different platforms are looking for different things. Bumble had its niche and it was very successful there, even if it was not for you like the other apps we’re not for me.

Soulifix@kbin.melroy.org on 18 Jan 18:13 next collapse

Because the moment a woman makes a move, then the guy just falls the hell over on themselves thinking they've struck jackpot, then they'll start pouring in their long-ass list of shitty pick up lines. Just admit it, guys cannot for the life of them, treat a woman as a woman and as a human being. There is always, always some underlying goal a guy has most of the time, when it comes to finally talking with a woman who bothers giving them even 5 minutes of their time.

And you highlighted them.

teamevil@lemmy.world on 19 Jan 04:19 collapse

The best way to get laid is to not try to get laid and actually interact with each other like humans

Lemminary@lemmy.world on 19 Jan 04:48 next collapse

Very much this. I’ve had women friends who low key were dtf but I’m unfortunately a queer homosexual. One even asked me to be her sperm donor even though I don’t think I’m particularly good looking, wtf.

Soulifix@kbin.melroy.org on 19 Jan 13:15 collapse

Why are you telling me this? Go tell the dude above.

teamevil@lemmy.world on 19 Jan 19:37 collapse

Because you need to hear it, either figure out how to have an intriguing personality (not thirsty) and do some self improvement instead of bitching that all the girls are impossible. Your incel is showing hard.

andros_rex@lemmy.world on 19 Jan 15:40 collapse

mostly guys says “hey” or the worse be :hey baby"

Can you perhaps understand why that might be as bad as getting no messages at all? How many dick pictures were mixed in? Many, many, many men use these apps to spam matching with everyone. Those “hi”’s rarely lead to actual connection.

nutsack@lemmy.world on 18 Jan 09:52 next collapse

it would work better if it was "women swipe first’. men can look at and swipe the women who swiped them already. this solves two problems:

  1. women are not seen by anyone they don’t want to be
  2. men don’t need to spend hours swiping hundreds of women

please give me 1 million dollars

SkunkWorkz@lemmy.world on 18 Jan 10:44 next collapse

<img alt="" src="https://lemmy.world/pictrs/image/28fb88bf-41c3-4789-a33a-32d74dc82a7d.jpeg">

nutsack@lemmy.world on 18 Jan 13:15 collapse

thanks

MothmanDelorian@lemmy.world on 18 Jan 12:29 next collapse

This means men will see many fewer women on the platform in many cases.

nutsack@lemmy.world on 18 Jan 13:14 next collapse

it means men would not spend hours on the app, which means nobody would ever do this

MothmanDelorian@lemmy.world on 18 Jan 13:50 next collapse

Exactly, Im 50 and Im not rich or particularly good looking. If I was straight I might only see 5 or 6 women on the app that would match with me to begin with and if those didn’t become anything I’d be done with that app. It can’t work

nutsack@lemmy.world on 18 Jan 15:42 next collapse

i am the most attractive sexy man in my entire giant city of 23 million people but i still have to swipe 50 girls to get 1 match and i might not even be that interested in her. better to meet girls in real life and follow them around on the tube and insert myself into their personal space 🚀

Ulrich@feddit.org on 18 Jan 18:40 collapse

Would you rather see 5 or 6 women that all expressed interest in you or a thousand women who have never and probably will never even see you? Open the app, swipe 5 or 6 times, move on with your life.

orgrinrt@lemmy.world on 19 Jan 03:25 next collapse

This is very well put.

MothmanDelorian@lemmy.world on 19 Jan 11:25 collapse

Exceptthe company that makes the app needs you to keep dating to make money. If ypu have 5 options and they don’t pan out you are done with that app.

Lemminary@lemmy.world on 19 Jan 04:38 collapse

As someone who has spent a stupid amount of time browsing Tinder for shits & giggles, I’m not sure I wouldn’t want that. But then again I’m gay and things work way differently for us. If I swipe right, it’s very likely we match and then have a boring convo that goes nowhere. Maybe I suck at it but I never have any luck despite everything.

Ulrich@feddit.org on 19 Jan 05:00 collapse

You’re gonna have a boring convo on a chat app with a random stranger. You’re both interested in each other, just ask to meet up. Do something interesting together and the conversation will flow naturally.

Ulrich@feddit.org on 18 Jan 18:38 collapse

Who wants men spending hours on the app and why? Most of these are subscription-based, not ad-supported.

nutsack@lemmy.world on 18 Jan 18:42 next collapse

i dunno i thought that was the goal of all apps. it’s free money basically

Ulrich@feddit.org on 18 Jan 18:47 collapse

No, it’s the goal of apps that want to serve as many advertisements as humanly possible. Most dating apps don’t have any way to monetize your attention.

monotremata@lemmy.ca on 19 Jan 06:52 collapse

Sure, but you’ve got to build that habit of checking the app. Gotta lure people back for more little hits of dopamine. The men aren’t going to subscribe (or at least stay subscribed) if they aren’t getting that illusion of lots of options for people to date.

Ulrich@feddit.org on 18 Jan 18:37 collapse

Yes, that’s the idea. They wouldn’t see anyone who hasn’t already liked them.

MothmanDelorian@lemmy.world on 19 Jan 11:26 collapse

Which means after the exhaust those few options they won’t use that app again. No app developer will do this.

Ulrich@feddit.org on 19 Jan 15:36 collapse

They’re not “exhausting options”. They’re just only seeing the options that are actually available, rather than an endless stream of those that aren’t.

MothmanDelorian@lemmy.world on 19 Jan 16:20 collapse

You get that not seeing more people is the problem for the developer, right?

Ulrich@feddit.org on 19 Jan 16:27 collapse

What?

MothmanDelorian@lemmy.world on 19 Jan 16:59 collapse

If I see five options and then date those five and it goes nowhere if there aren’t new potential matches presented regardless of suitability the user will go to a different app where they are given the illusion of more choice.

Ulrich@feddit.org on 19 Jan 17:06 collapse

You think people will be happier to swipe endlessly for hours with extremely limited success than to open their app, look at 5 profiles and instantly find a match?

MothmanDelorian@lemmy.world on 19 Jan 18:06 collapse

Over the long term I know that the app that has many potential matches will always outlast the one that has a handful to single digits.

Ulrich@feddit.org on 19 Jan 18:12 collapse

You don’t seem to understand the concept. There are no “potential matches”. If they don’t like you, you will never match with them.

MothmanDelorian@lemmy.world on 20 Jan 12:56 collapse

No, you’re misding the point. If a menu has ten items on it and you try those ten and none appeal to you then you’ll stop going to that restaurant unless they offer you more options. Similarly if the dating app only offers five or six potential matches and those go nowhere you won’t use the app for long and the company fails.

Do you think dating apps exist to hook people up in relationships? They can’t really make money that way as connected people tend to stop dating.

Ulrich@feddit.org on 20 Jan 17:39 collapse

Honestly, this is not that complicated. I don’t know what else I can say to help you understand. Have a nice Monday.

MothmanDelorian@lemmy.world on 20 Jan 17:47 collapse

Right back at you. I think the confusion is you are thinking of what the user wants and Im talking about what the company running the app needs. They are very different things.

Nindelofocho@lemmy.world on 18 Jan 15:47 next collapse

Facebook dating kinda has this where you get notified if someone likes you Ironically it works better than any other dating app. The whole swipe til you both match deal is just to keep people paying and using the app for longer

Soulifix@kbin.melroy.org on 18 Jan 18:14 next collapse

Now if Facebook Dating would increase it's freaking character limit for profile bios, it'd be perfect. But nooooo...

Ulrich@feddit.org on 18 Jan 18:41 collapse

Would be totally cool if I wasn’t completely certain that they would use that against me.

Nindelofocho@lemmy.world on 18 Jan 19:35 collapse

Oh definitely, it doesn’t work good for the sake of its users

echodot@feddit.uk on 19 Jan 09:27 collapse

That’s the premium feature in pretty much every dating app. You get to see who likes you but you have to pay the money to find out if anyone swiped on you at all.

They imply that lots of people swiped on you but you don’t actually know until after you’ve given the money.

So basically your plan is to just remove the con part which I’m all in favor of.

flamingo_pinyata@sopuli.xyz on 18 Jan 10:41 next collapse

Well cultural habits are slow to change. I suspect it would take some 20 years to change the dynamics such than women are always expected to make the first move.

Bumble was well positioned to push for that change, unfortunately earning revenue has a priority, they are are a business after all. Still their gimmick got the ball rolling, we’ll see who picks it up next.

Vanth@reddthat.com on 18 Jan 12:58 next collapse

you either get a shitty Gif, or something along the lines of “hey.”

So same result as when men message first.

boonhet@lemm.ee on 18 Jan 15:54 collapse

Might just be my experience, but men put in more effort. Probably because women are more desirable so they don’t really need to.

Flocklesscrow@lemm.ee on 18 Jan 18:15 collapse

*superficially desirable

DancingBear@midwest.social on 19 Jan 04:12 collapse

*men are hornier

Clent@lemmy.dbzer0.com on 19 Jan 06:41 collapse

*some men are hornier.

DancingBear@midwest.social on 19 Jan 14:23 collapse

*most

Edit: on the scale of all women versus all men, it’s not even close. Men are by far the hornier of the two biological sexes. There are specific women who can be hornier than a lot of men, and there are men who are not sexual at all…. This does not mean that it is incorrect to generalize and say that men are hornier.

TankovayaDiviziya@lemmy.world on 18 Jan 18:39 next collapse

Just like with anything, if you put something interesting in your bio, women will use that as conversation starter.

Ilovethebomb@lemm.ee on 19 Jan 03:49 next collapse

No, they didn’t. I had plenty in my bio about hobbies, sports etc, very few mentioned it.

echodot@feddit.uk on 19 Jan 09:32 collapse

That is definitely not it. Looking at my bio which I wrote ages ago I’m actually kind of concerned I’m slightly doxing in myself the amount of information that’s in there.

The problem is that there is a social convention that men start the conversation, so a lot of women just aren’t very good at openings, so they say “hi” and then I’ve basically got to carry the conversation. So what’s the point in the app then? Even if they just opened with “sorry I’m not very good at this yet” it would be a start, but noooo.

Ledivin@lemmy.world on 18 Jan 20:08 next collapse

I loved bumble when I was on it 🤷‍♂️ much, much higher hit rate than any other app

ifItWasUpToMe@lemmy.ca on 18 Jan 20:18 collapse

I have by far more luck getting matches on tinder

john89@lemmy.ca on 19 Jan 07:25 next collapse

Maybe it’s you guys, but I never really had this issue.

fuck_u_spez_in_particular@lemmy.world on 19 Jan 11:57 collapse

That ratio was much higher for me. I’d say about 70% sent a message. Probably work on the profile, make it more interesting? If that is now really gone I’m not sure whether I ever install that App anymore, it was nice not having to come up with first messages with questionable outcome…

sem@lemmy.blahaj.zone on 18 Jan 05:03 next collapse

Is the signature feature that women initiate or was that some other app?

TheFriar@lemm.ee on 18 Jan 06:06 next collapse

It was.

JackbyDev@programming.dev on 19 Jan 06:21 next collapse

Yeah. I used the BFF version for a bit to try and find folks in my area to hang out with. It’s a really horrible app. When someone messages you, you have 24 hours to respond. If you don’t then the two of you get unmatched. I can understand something like unlatching after some time period without responding, but just 24 hours? Ick.

Doomsider@lemmy.world on 19 Jan 18:02 collapse

We have shareholders to consider! Now get on with your relationship before we unnecessarily cut you off.

Brought to you by Match, "You’re next Bumble, you think they fucked up Bumble already!? Just you wait!’

JackbyDev@programming.dev on 19 Jan 18:43 collapse

This just gave me the (shit post) idea of an app where VC funders can swipe on projects they want to invest in or not

Doomsider@lemmy.world on 19 Jan 18:48 collapse

That would make a great parody sketch.

captain_aggravated@sh.itjust.works on 19 Jan 06:32 collapse

Did that ever…work?

bhamlin@lemmy.world on 19 Jan 09:00 collapse

Probably, considering that it was enough to get the company to the point that it could go public. And for the company to lose 54% of its “value” after changing it.

captain_aggravated@sh.itjust.works on 19 Jan 09:04 collapse

So it got enough eyes on the platform to serve them ads or subscriptions or whatever their monetization strategy was…did the product ever once function as advertised?

echodot@feddit.uk on 19 Jan 09:21 next collapse

Not really because a lot of women just used to begin the conversation with “hi” which gave you nothing to work with. Especially when they had a basically empty bio.

So basically suffered from exactly the same problem that every other dating app suffered from which is that nobody really puts the effort in.

captain_aggravated@sh.itjust.works on 19 Jan 12:04 collapse

Never really got the problem with opening with “hey.”

In person, she’ll look like a defecating sphincter if she completely ignores you, so you’ll at least get a “hey” back, and you can play it from the energy she responds with, go earnest, go smooth, go funny, go away, etc. What do you want me to do, compose a fucking sonnet out of the profile you didn’t even fill out? “Soft, she who likes dogs and is very laid back, I know which one of the four girls in her profile photo I hope she is?”

bhamlin@lemmy.world on 19 Jan 12:35 collapse

Whether or not it did enough people thought it did for it to get really popular, and then when those features went away get significantly less popular. I never used it but judging from how its popularity rose and fell: probably.

Tiuku@sopuli.xyz on 18 Jan 07:58 next collapse

Ohh you mean the “pay for every little thing” -feature? Dang I really liked that

golli@lemm.ee on 19 Jan 17:12 collapse

Also regarding cost: I have yet to hear how a dating app solves the paradox that success means losing a customer. The incentives of the company and customer are not aligned and actually quite the opposite.

The company wants you to stay and spend as much as possible on the platform (optimizing to keep you just engaged enough to stick with it), whereas the ideal outcome for the customer means not needing the app in as little time as possible.

Doomsider@lemmy.world on 19 Jan 18:06 next collapse

Oh they solved it alright. They just make it harder to find matches. Could you imagine the fuckery that goes on with their algorithms. Some engineer dialing back the chance of falling in true love. The executive is like, “We need to turn down finding true love to .0007% because we are losing too many customers!”

golli@lemm.ee on 19 Jan 22:27 collapse

I meant success in the context of what a dating app should achieve: Matching suitable partners.

But you are of course right that for the company success is profit and the rest are just variables to be optimized towards that goal.

Tiuku@sopuli.xyz on 19 Jan 18:49 collapse

Yeah that conflict runs deep.

There’s the open source Alovoa, but of course it’s still far away from mainstream.

nutsack@lemmy.world on 18 Jan 09:49 next collapse

sometimes you bring on a ceo just to get some controversial thing done. they can eat the blame and then leave

MothmanDelorian@lemmy.world on 18 Jan 12:28 next collapse

So like a corporate sin eater?

Etterra@discuss.online on 18 Jan 12:44 next collapse

Don’t worry though, they’ll fail towards.

friend_of_satan@lemmy.world on 18 Jan 12:50 next collapse

I’m embarrassed it took me so long to realize this. Somebody explained that to me recently, within the context of a conversation about layoffs. That CEO had no prior CEO experience, was only there for less than a year, and was part of the board of directors. In hindsight it seems so obvious.

Bojack411@lemmy.world on 18 Jan 17:42 next collapse

It’s what boeing does everytime a plane goes down.

Boomkop3@reddthat.com on 18 Jan 18:07 next collapse

That must be quite a list of ceo’s

corsicanguppy@lemmy.ca on 18 Jan 18:24 collapse

everytime

Not a word, my dude.

frayedpickles@lemmy.cafe on 18 Jan 18:36 next collapse

Sureitis

Septimaeus@infosec.pub on 18 Jan 23:56 collapse

Insofar as everyone likes the wherewithal offered by pronominal and hitherto conjunctive adverbs

frayedpickles@lemmy.cafe on 19 Jan 00:44 collapse

I dunno what you said but it sounds like you’re gonna get an upvote anyway 🙃

HipsterTenZero@dormi.zone on 19 Jan 04:27 collapse

you’re wrong, corsicanguppy

corsicanguppy@lemmy.ca on 18 Jan 18:26 next collapse

They called it an Axe Man, in my time. I’ve been at two companies hit with them, and I follow them AND the CEO who stepped down (once a reverted permanent one and the other a long-term leave) to see which companies are fucked next.

KingThrillgore@lemmy.ml on 19 Jan 15:29 collapse

More specifically here it’s called a glass cliff

Kuma@lemmy.world on 18 Jan 23:45 next collapse

Exactly this, they are usually young too and they know their only job is to fire ppl and/or do decisions that will make most if not all unhappy. I have only seen it once my self but a lot of friends went through that at their company.

nutsack@lemmy.world on 19 Jan 10:35 collapse

the sad part is the act they put on coming in. many at the company will think this is a real hire that will bring about good cultural change

rational_lib@lemmy.world on 19 Jan 00:21 next collapse

The ol’ Ellen Pao

AtariDump@lemmy.world on 19 Jan 02:52 next collapse

<img alt="" src="https://lemmy.world/pictrs/image/256911b5-402e-4a98-a95c-c41a3aeac0e1.jpeg">

PanArab@lemm.ee on 19 Jan 04:43 next collapse

Tacit racism. She is a US citizen of Chinese background. Why have her face on the flag of the Empire of Japan if the subliminal message wasn’t yellow peril?

john89@lemmy.ca on 19 Jan 07:24 next collapse

Good point, although I agree with the sentiment of online communities becoming hugboxes with no room for actual dissent.

clutchtwopointzero@lemmy.world on 19 Jan 12:47 collapse

But that was the idea

captainlezbian@lemmy.world on 19 Jan 19:30 collapse

And it should be noted, it was shit like “you can’t have a subreddit entirely devoted to encouraging groups you dislike to kill themselves”

CorpuscularCrumpet@lemm.ee on 19 Jan 19:54 collapse

Ellen Pao was a shit executive and a failure. Has nothing to do with the imaginary “LeTs bRinG iN a wHOmAn tO tAkE dA faLL!!!”

andros_rex@lemmy.world on 19 Jan 15:36 collapse

You bring in a female CEO to take the fall. The narrative gets to be about her weak leadership.

Ellen Pao wasn’t even CEO for a full year. Reddit clearly put her in charge to take the heat - which they knew would be ample based on her sex alone.

LifeInMultipleChoice@lemmy.world on 19 Jan 17:23 next collapse

So replacing a woman with a woman, and then bringing back the original woman is what made you think the fall person had to be a woman? Reddit may have done so… but I find it hard to believe this was sex/gender related. Otherwise it would have made more sense to replace the woman with a man, have him take the fall and go back to Whitney so it made her / the company look better long term.

CorpuscularCrumpet@lemm.ee on 19 Jan 19:49 collapse

This is moronic and sexist.

History is full of males that were suckered into taking the fall.

Saying that women alone are incompetent to the point of always being suckered into a CEO position to be the fall gal is peak misogynism.

Think things through a little before posting.

NikkiDimes@lemmy.world on 19 Jan 19:55 collapse

What is “the glass cliff”, Alex.

Sorry that stating the existence of this systemic sexism is apparently sexist. Guess I’m sexist?

CorpuscularCrumpet@lemm.ee on 20 Jan 05:24 collapse

Yes, you are sexist….against women for sure (your comment proves that) and probably men, also.

NikkiDimes@lemmy.world on 20 Jan 20:17 collapse

How does recognizing systemic sexism, AKA issues within our society that unfairly treat either men or women, make me sexist? The “glass cliff” is a well known phenomenon, we’re not just making this up out of nowhere.

I guess if you choose to remain ignorant of such issues, people pointing them out may appear sexist to you. I’m sorry that your world view is so limited by your own self imposed blinders, but please don’t shoot the messenger. Wikipedia is just a few clicks away.

CorpuscularCrumpet@lemm.ee on 22 Jan 02:42 collapse

I already explained why in my original comment. It’s apparent that you probably lack reading comprehension.

Re-read it, if that’s an option.

noxypaws@pawb.social on 19 Jan 19:13 next collapse

Wow, as a gay dude reading the comments here, straight dating sucks, why is it even like that?

Wahots@pawb.social on 19 Jan 23:07 collapse

Bumble used to be different back in the day. I tried it when it was going down the tubes.

I think part of the problem is that the matching is fairly superficial, so while you know a little about the person, most of the details amount to their face, 1-3 hobbies, and their ass.

The women I matched with that I went out with were awkward and felt forced. In the end, I ended up falling in love with a close guy friend that I had known for years.

If bumble wants success, they should allow for much deeper Q&A, longer response times, a tweaked algorithm that matches people based off hobbies and passions, and an AD section that allows people to privately put in stuff that they like after dark. Info that isn’t shared with their matches, but helps make people match better with people like them.

As for straight dating though, idk. I feel like people should probably be avoiding apps and meeting organically through stuff like biking groups, climbing groups, skiing events, big dance venues, etc. it fosters much more organic connections.

I don’t participate in bar culture that much, but the difference between the gay bars I’ve gone to and the straighter college-y bars feels immense. The former is much more social with a pinch of kink, the latter is where people are getting absolutely blitzed without much dialogue over loud music. It’s an extremely small sample size, but I can’t help but wonder if it’s part of a larger trend when it comes to meeting people and how portions of society meet and date. Perhaps there are bars where single straight men and women meet over 1-2 drinks and talk, but I haven’t seen any so far.

Overall, I think the Internet and cars (decreasing population density and increasing the space between third places) has had a dramatically negative impact on love and friendships in places like the US.

[deleted] on 21 Jan 16:49 collapse

.